Okay, so I overheard this conversation last year and watched without expression. It took me awhile to process. I knew it was not something meant to offend and actually I guess I wasn't really offended by this friend-without-children's comment. Maybe seeing my kids in their celebratory mode with all of their friends running amock inside our small house was just too much. Maybe the party would have been more enjoyable for her if there was a martini bar in the kitchen?
Our birthday parties are really loud. I haven't gone for too much fanfare in terms of renting special equipment or having the party at a special location- mostly because I'm really cheap and I know I can prepare bulk ziti or mac & cheese (or Little Ceaser's pizza). So to be fair, there are a lot of kids running around in our not-so-big-house and their parents and several family members and some other friends as well. So a birthday party at our house is pretty crazy and it doesn't help that it's all indoors based on the time of year. And this particular year we had a superhero theme so running around with a cape on was allowed, so it was particularly chaotic.
So is this really the best venue to judge whether or not it's a good idea to have children? Not that I mind someone not having children. That's fine, of course. But should the choice really be based on a birthday party for a 1 year old and his 4 year old brother? Why not judge when you visit a new mom in the hospital (try not to look at her exhausted eyes) and see her holding her baby. Catch a mom when she receives her first unsolicited "I love you always" from her big boy. Listen to a daddy telling a bedtime story through the baby monitor. Those most intimate moments are the ones I would judge whether or not to have a baby on. They are so hard to catch but they mean so much.I love to see my children happy but the crazed-glazed-over look at a birthday party is not the real type of happiness I'm seeking. I loved the moment when I took them to an aquarium and a gigantic shark swams just 3 inches away and their eyes widen with amazement. Or maybe better was the un-planned stop after the aqarium to the city's sprinkler park where they splashed and laughed and chased the water around the fountain. I loved the moment when Joshua was first born and they handed him to me for the first time so I could nurse him- even before the APGAR's and the weighing and the washing. I loved the moment when Liam (who is constantly on the go, looking for his next mountain/crib to climb, adventure/trouble to start) cuddled right up next to me and requested time for a "family sit".
That's how you judge if it's time to have a baby. All of those birthday parties and those temper tantrums and those embarrassing moments at the beach where your child pours muddy water on a friend's child. All of those financial burdens and the lost sleep and the fact that you can't shower without someone opening up the curtain and asking you to help them find the remote control... All of those just slip away and you realize you would love nothing more than to give everything up just to experience such deep moments of intimacy and love and happiness and significance. Having a baby teaches you to love so deeply- not just the baby but whoever else is in that baby's world. You see your parents as grandparents loving that baby and you love them more. You even see your in-laws loving that baby so much, and you love them more! And when you see that baby's daddy holding the baby nose-to-nose and teaching him already to root for the Yankees, you can't help but love that man more too.
I have a good friend who I don't get to speak to very often anymore... she summed this all up so well on her facebook status just days after her daughter was born. Her status was simply: "... is in love." That's what being a parent is all about, it's about falling in love.
No comments:
Post a Comment