I was brought up in a small town so I immediately assumed that my parents did not consider it a priority for me to marry a Jewish man. Or maybe they didn't exactly intend for me to meet my husband in high school? Well, regardless, I did not go off to college to meet a nice Jewish boy. I stuck with my perfectly nice atheist instead. The boy who once said to a priest at Easter, "Hey, I saw you last Christmas". So growing up he was a Creaster. And now he watches conspiracy shows on the "History" Channel about alien ancestors (he just thinks they're interesting; not necessarily true). But this isn't about Bill, or me, it's about our kids.
Okay, back to me. I have always taken issue with this whole blurring of the lines between Hannukah and Christmas. I don't do the Hannukah bush and we certainly don't get visited by Hannukah Harry. I believe in a peaceful coexistance and appreciation of both holidays. So in our house we have Christmas take-over with... a Hannukah corner in the dining room. Seriously, Christmas seeps out of the pores in our house whereas Hannukah occupies the top of a china hutch. Is this because Bill has taken over? Yeah right. No, it's all me. I put up most of household Christmas decorations. We decorated the tree together as a family, while drinking eggnog and listening to carols on the TV. The truth is, ever since I was a little child; I've loved Christmas. I understand there's deeper meaning for Christians but for the me, the traditions of Christmas are fascinatingly wonderful and I feel that they can peacefully coexist with my little holiday of Hannukah. More about Hannukah later...
Growing up in this small town, I found it in my best interest to become adopted by Christian families around the holiday seasons. So it started off with just decorating the tree with a family friend, then eating a formal Christmas Eve dinner to finally just immersing myself completely by eating the dinner and then sticking around to go to Mass, sleeping over listening for Santa on the roof and waking up to my own stocking and gifts (from my mom- who fully endorsed my holiday-adoption) under my friend's family's tree. Eventually I became adopted by my future in-laws and have been spending my holidays ever since with them. So you see, this is not new, my love of Christmas.
But what of the children? And why does Hannukah have such a small corner of our house? Well, it's a lot like the real world, first of all. With sparkling red garlands hanging from the rafters, choirs singing the Messiah (some of my favorite musical pieces to sing), Christmas trees galore and you get the picture... and then one lonely plastic menorah lit up on the storefront window. Does this mean there should be a bigger menorah? Should the chorus have opted for less "New Born King" and more "Dreidel Dreidel Dreidel"? Perhaps, but not on my account. See, Hannukah is a great holiday. It's fun, it commemorates a miracle, sure, but in the grand scheme of Jewish holidays... it's not among the holiest. And our holiest holidays aren't really the type that get malls all excited either (no gift buying for Yom Kippur... no grocery lists... in fact, no eating at all).
And so it is in our house, we celebrate both. They exist peacefully in the same home with some Hannukah dreidels making their way to the coffee table on the Christmas quilt and some gifts wrapped in Santa paper being opened on a Hannukah night. And Liam telling his teachers at the Jewish Community Center preschool that his favorite holiday is Christamas. Okay, maybe I'm not making it any easier. Afterall, I'll admit to giving Christmas pajamas as a gift for Hannukah- But I only do it so they can get some use out of the PJ's in the month of December!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Bye Bye Binky... Bye Bye Baby
Is it time to say good-bye to baby? Whether you call them binkies, pacifiers, nooks or soothers, when is it really time to just dump them in the trash? I can state decisively right now that if your child is riding his/her bike and you're asking yourself this question; you've waited too long. And if your kid can climb up the playground ladders and slide down the slide on his/her own; again you've waited too long... and if your child has done both at the same time (riden his/her bike to the playground & played independently all while sucking on an oversized pacifier), it was probably me who was looking at you funny.
I hadn't really thought much about when to wean Joshua of his binky. And to be entirely upfront, Joshua doesn't just have one binky. He prefers three. One for his mouth and two for his hands. And then to be entirely gloating, we have already drawn the line at the crib and I'm happy to report that Joshua will most often even leave his binkies in there after sleepy time and/or throw them back into the crib after his diaper change. I think we have the binky thing under control. My mom-instincts (i.e. the voice that says, "It worked with the first one, it'll probably work with this one too.") tell me that we can wait until Joshua is a little bit older, say birthday #2, he'll drop one binky into the trash as a symbolic gesture and we'll never hear about them again. So then why am I starting to get so worried even though the day-of-truth is still four months away?
And what about this new trend? I hear moms are weaning their kids of binkies at 3-4 months! Now what's the point of a binky if you can't hush up a screaming six month old? And do they really want to face the I'm-a-manipulative-10-month-old (my child psych class taught me that at 10 months children do indeed learn to be manipulative) -who-cries-until-you-get-into-the-room-and-then-smiles-only-to-whail-again-when-you-leave without a binky?. What about the three hour nap? Isn't that only made possible by binkies? When I think of all of the grocery store trips where a binky came in handy; of all the times we had forgotten a binky and WISHED we hadn't... and to think these well intentioned moms are weaning so soon! Hmmmm... I'm forgetting something aren't I... the baby's benefit perhaps. Maybe there are psychological benefits to babies who are weaned of binkies at earlier ages. Maybe they're less likely to suck their thumbs? But herein lies a quandary... what if when they are deprived of a binky they actually become compelled to suck their thumbs... ooh. I just couldn't take that risk.
So apparently I've already waited about 14 months too long. So what's another 4? And I don't even have to worry about what other moms think because at least my kid riding a bike while sucking on a binky! He's enjoying his little baby-addiction in the comfort of his own crib... while drinking his bottle ("ba ba") of warm milk. Now can't we just enjoy our babies for a little bit longer and let them keep their binkies and bottles? What is the rush to saying bye-bye baby anyway?
I hadn't really thought much about when to wean Joshua of his binky. And to be entirely upfront, Joshua doesn't just have one binky. He prefers three. One for his mouth and two for his hands. And then to be entirely gloating, we have already drawn the line at the crib and I'm happy to report that Joshua will most often even leave his binkies in there after sleepy time and/or throw them back into the crib after his diaper change. I think we have the binky thing under control. My mom-instincts (i.e. the voice that says, "It worked with the first one, it'll probably work with this one too.") tell me that we can wait until Joshua is a little bit older, say birthday #2, he'll drop one binky into the trash as a symbolic gesture and we'll never hear about them again. So then why am I starting to get so worried even though the day-of-truth is still four months away?
And what about this new trend? I hear moms are weaning their kids of binkies at 3-4 months! Now what's the point of a binky if you can't hush up a screaming six month old? And do they really want to face the I'm-a-manipulative-10-month-old (my child psych class taught me that at 10 months children do indeed learn to be manipulative) -who-cries-until-you-get-into-the-room-and-then-smiles-only-to-whail-again-when-you-leave without a binky?. What about the three hour nap? Isn't that only made possible by binkies? When I think of all of the grocery store trips where a binky came in handy; of all the times we had forgotten a binky and WISHED we hadn't... and to think these well intentioned moms are weaning so soon! Hmmmm... I'm forgetting something aren't I... the baby's benefit perhaps. Maybe there are psychological benefits to babies who are weaned of binkies at earlier ages. Maybe they're less likely to suck their thumbs? But herein lies a quandary... what if when they are deprived of a binky they actually become compelled to suck their thumbs... ooh. I just couldn't take that risk.
So apparently I've already waited about 14 months too long. So what's another 4? And I don't even have to worry about what other moms think because at least my kid riding a bike while sucking on a binky! He's enjoying his little baby-addiction in the comfort of his own crib... while drinking his bottle ("ba ba") of warm milk. Now can't we just enjoy our babies for a little bit longer and let them keep their binkies and bottles? What is the rush to saying bye-bye baby anyway?
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
You Can't Always Get What You Want
I know why the terrible twos are so terrible. And just for the record, they're not just the terrible twos. Bill & I think the "terribles" track more along the 1/2 years. So 1 1/2 years, 2 1/2 years, etc... but that's besides the point. From about 15-30 months young children struggle to communicate with their elders and peers. But yet they know that there is a mode of communication out there. So they know that there is speech, but they can't quite get there themselves. Either that, or they think that their use of language is perfectly sufficient so it's your problem for not catching on quicker. Both theories support the idea that kids of this age will likely be more frustrated and temperamental, because they know what they want, they know there's a way to communicate what they want but they're failing to do so sufficiently.
Being wise to this, I started Joshua on sign language at a very early age. We practiced the sign "more" by touching his fingers together, mostly at mealtimes. Really, that's the only sign language I taught Josh. I thought it was the most significant because often when toddlers want something, they get emotional and forget how to speak (kind of like many of us adults). So I thought "more" would be a good term to learn first. But then I didn't know any other sign language so "more" continues to be the only sign in our vocabulary.
And who wouldn't want more dinosaur chicken? More corn? More of his favorite cartoon? Recently we've been quite proud of our little communicator, asking us for more and even trying to sound it out himself ("muh"). Even Liam responds to Josh's requests for more. Until I realized he wasn't quite asking for "more", but rather just telling us what he wanted. Yesterday he was eating a bowl of chips with salsa but when he said "more", he wasn't asking for more chips. He was asking for Ritz crackers (this took awhile to figure out). Ever since Halloween, he has been pointing to the bucket asking for "more". It's not that hard for me to explain to Liam why we can't have a lot of candy... but Joshua just doesn't seem to grasp the concepts of cavities and hyperactivity yet.
I think "more" is insufficient. I probably should have studied up on some more sign language vocabulary. I think sign language is really needed for a variety of statements, actually. Toddlers do struggle so much to communicate with us, don't you think it would be easier for them to just say with a quick sign, "I'm not really sick, I just want your undivided attention for the next 3 hours". Sign language could help a younger sibling communicate with his older brother or sister, "Leave me alone" or better yet, "When I'm old enough, I will beat you up." And it really could help us solve a significant loss problem in our house; I really do wish there was a sign for, "I dropped your Blue Tooth behind the couch." What we really need is one of those communicators you find in movies like "Up" and "Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs"- you know, the one that makes the dog talk in Up and the monkey talk in Cloudy...? Yeah, then a toddler could really get their message across clearly! Like, for example, "I have a poopy diaper, it's really uncomfortable, but I don't want you to change it and if you do I will do all sorts of leg kicks and twists and flips and then run away from you naked."
That's the fun thing about this stage of communication. A lot of it is guessing! And, of course, there's always the balancing act of knowing what that kid of yours is crying over and actually giving it to him or her. But if he uses the "more" sign, shouldn't we just reward that communication? Or will that just make the next stage so much harder- the stage of realizing that you can ask for what you want... but you might not get it anyway. Kind of like candy. Because there's no way I'm giving my baby a candy bar every time Joshua says "more" looking at that bright orange bucket. Afterall, if I did, then there wouldn't be any chocolate left for me...
Being wise to this, I started Joshua on sign language at a very early age. We practiced the sign "more" by touching his fingers together, mostly at mealtimes. Really, that's the only sign language I taught Josh. I thought it was the most significant because often when toddlers want something, they get emotional and forget how to speak (kind of like many of us adults). So I thought "more" would be a good term to learn first. But then I didn't know any other sign language so "more" continues to be the only sign in our vocabulary.
And who wouldn't want more dinosaur chicken? More corn? More of his favorite cartoon? Recently we've been quite proud of our little communicator, asking us for more and even trying to sound it out himself ("muh"). Even Liam responds to Josh's requests for more. Until I realized he wasn't quite asking for "more", but rather just telling us what he wanted. Yesterday he was eating a bowl of chips with salsa but when he said "more", he wasn't asking for more chips. He was asking for Ritz crackers (this took awhile to figure out). Ever since Halloween, he has been pointing to the bucket asking for "more". It's not that hard for me to explain to Liam why we can't have a lot of candy... but Joshua just doesn't seem to grasp the concepts of cavities and hyperactivity yet.
I think "more" is insufficient. I probably should have studied up on some more sign language vocabulary. I think sign language is really needed for a variety of statements, actually. Toddlers do struggle so much to communicate with us, don't you think it would be easier for them to just say with a quick sign, "I'm not really sick, I just want your undivided attention for the next 3 hours". Sign language could help a younger sibling communicate with his older brother or sister, "Leave me alone" or better yet, "When I'm old enough, I will beat you up." And it really could help us solve a significant loss problem in our house; I really do wish there was a sign for, "I dropped your Blue Tooth behind the couch." What we really need is one of those communicators you find in movies like "Up" and "Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs"- you know, the one that makes the dog talk in Up and the monkey talk in Cloudy...? Yeah, then a toddler could really get their message across clearly! Like, for example, "I have a poopy diaper, it's really uncomfortable, but I don't want you to change it and if you do I will do all sorts of leg kicks and twists and flips and then run away from you naked."
That's the fun thing about this stage of communication. A lot of it is guessing! And, of course, there's always the balancing act of knowing what that kid of yours is crying over and actually giving it to him or her. But if he uses the "more" sign, shouldn't we just reward that communication? Or will that just make the next stage so much harder- the stage of realizing that you can ask for what you want... but you might not get it anyway. Kind of like candy. Because there's no way I'm giving my baby a candy bar every time Joshua says "more" looking at that bright orange bucket. Afterall, if I did, then there wouldn't be any chocolate left for me...
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Of all the things I've lost, it's my composure (and cell phone) I miss the most
Some of my most vivid moments of my mother are of her losing her keys... and then finding them in her purse. Sorry mom, I remember lots of other things too, good things, but I do remember you losing your keys a lot. "Where are my keys?" was the first thing I could expect to hear when we got in the car on our way to school, the grocery store or anything else.
So that panic of losing the keys is never too far away from any of us, I think. At least none of us with big, full purses. I think I lose my keys about as often as my mother did. The difference is I don't ask my teenage daughter, "Where are my keys?" I just try to calmly look for them in the purse where they're supposed to be. And sometimes they're not there. Sometimes the keys are in a coat pocket or on the banister. But usually there are the keys, hiding in a dimly lit corner of my purse.
It really came as no surprise to me the other day when I lost my cell phone. I've lost it plenty of times before. Cell phones are no longer those bulky shiny things that used to stretch our pants pockets. No, mine is a cute little Pixi. It's thin, black and unassuming. And that's why I lose it so often. Once I searched everywhere, even had the neighbor calling me, only to find it 15 minutes later on top of the coffee maker (which is also black). So losing it in my fake black Coach bag (I was recently informed- nicely- that it's a fake, just thought I'd be upfront) was no surprise.
I emptied out the contents of the el-cheapo bag I had gotten as a hand-me-down (kind of hoping it was real but not wanting to ask) but to no avail. There was no cell phone in there. I looked in my shopping bags, not there either. I told Liam I was stressed, he didn't seem affected. I informed Liam and Josh we were all going to have to get out of the car and look for the phone together. The kids were already strapped in. As each mother out there knows, once the kids are strapped in, getting out of the car really is not desirable. I mean, the hard work is done, the wrestling is over and it's time to go home. But no, we had to go back to the store.
And go back to the store we did. We went back to both stores, two times each. We retraced steps. We stopped back at stores we hadn't been to, but maybe someone had turned in a cell phone dropped on the sidewalk? I started to panic. I was wearing a winter coat and it was getting very hot. And I was in a complete state of flusteredness. Liam was very cooperative, for a four year old. He even splayed himself flat onto the filthy store floor to look under shelves for the phone. People started to look at me, not out of helpfulness or even pity but out of fear- who is this crazy lady and her wild children? Why does she keep telling her kid, she's a bit stressed? Why didn't she bring her baby in a stroller? Yes, in my infinite wisdom during this wild goose chase, I had decided to carry Joshua instead of pushing him in a stroller. Because apparently taking the extra 3 1/2 minutes to get the stroller... was out of the question. And this was about the time that Joshua decided to practice his butterfly stroke which involved precisely timed, strong kicks with both legs; folding himself in half and pulling my hair. It was lovely.
At one store we stopped in, while I waited in line, I suggested to Liam that he play with some toys I saw set up for... kids... by the check-out. Unfortunately one of the toys they had set out was a car on a hill. Why they would put that in front of a rack is beyond me. Luckily Liam put the brakes on his accelerating Radio Flyer before he hit the rack. Meanwhile the cashier decided to stop helping her current customer just to get rid of me and take my phone # to look for the lost cell phone.
Here's the mia culpa. After all those times of refusing to panic and thinking myself a calm individual. After all of those times of specifically not rushing to conclusions over lost items ("It was stolen!"). After all of the lost blue tooths, which don't even phase me anymore by the way. After all of this I completely lost myself. Over a cell phone.
And as I resigned myself to this loss in my life, I saw a blinking light and shiny black surface underneath the back end of my car. I saw my cell phone. So naturally, I had Liam sprawl himself out on the parking lot pavement (perfectly safe, I assure you) to retrieve my lost cell phone.
So that panic of losing the keys is never too far away from any of us, I think. At least none of us with big, full purses. I think I lose my keys about as often as my mother did. The difference is I don't ask my teenage daughter, "Where are my keys?" I just try to calmly look for them in the purse where they're supposed to be. And sometimes they're not there. Sometimes the keys are in a coat pocket or on the banister. But usually there are the keys, hiding in a dimly lit corner of my purse.
It really came as no surprise to me the other day when I lost my cell phone. I've lost it plenty of times before. Cell phones are no longer those bulky shiny things that used to stretch our pants pockets. No, mine is a cute little Pixi. It's thin, black and unassuming. And that's why I lose it so often. Once I searched everywhere, even had the neighbor calling me, only to find it 15 minutes later on top of the coffee maker (which is also black). So losing it in my fake black Coach bag (I was recently informed- nicely- that it's a fake, just thought I'd be upfront) was no surprise.
I emptied out the contents of the el-cheapo bag I had gotten as a hand-me-down (kind of hoping it was real but not wanting to ask) but to no avail. There was no cell phone in there. I looked in my shopping bags, not there either. I told Liam I was stressed, he didn't seem affected. I informed Liam and Josh we were all going to have to get out of the car and look for the phone together. The kids were already strapped in. As each mother out there knows, once the kids are strapped in, getting out of the car really is not desirable. I mean, the hard work is done, the wrestling is over and it's time to go home. But no, we had to go back to the store.
And go back to the store we did. We went back to both stores, two times each. We retraced steps. We stopped back at stores we hadn't been to, but maybe someone had turned in a cell phone dropped on the sidewalk? I started to panic. I was wearing a winter coat and it was getting very hot. And I was in a complete state of flusteredness. Liam was very cooperative, for a four year old. He even splayed himself flat onto the filthy store floor to look under shelves for the phone. People started to look at me, not out of helpfulness or even pity but out of fear- who is this crazy lady and her wild children? Why does she keep telling her kid, she's a bit stressed? Why didn't she bring her baby in a stroller? Yes, in my infinite wisdom during this wild goose chase, I had decided to carry Joshua instead of pushing him in a stroller. Because apparently taking the extra 3 1/2 minutes to get the stroller... was out of the question. And this was about the time that Joshua decided to practice his butterfly stroke which involved precisely timed, strong kicks with both legs; folding himself in half and pulling my hair. It was lovely.
At one store we stopped in, while I waited in line, I suggested to Liam that he play with some toys I saw set up for... kids... by the check-out. Unfortunately one of the toys they had set out was a car on a hill. Why they would put that in front of a rack is beyond me. Luckily Liam put the brakes on his accelerating Radio Flyer before he hit the rack. Meanwhile the cashier decided to stop helping her current customer just to get rid of me and take my phone # to look for the lost cell phone.
Here's the mia culpa. After all those times of refusing to panic and thinking myself a calm individual. After all of those times of specifically not rushing to conclusions over lost items ("It was stolen!"). After all of the lost blue tooths, which don't even phase me anymore by the way. After all of this I completely lost myself. Over a cell phone.
And as I resigned myself to this loss in my life, I saw a blinking light and shiny black surface underneath the back end of my car. I saw my cell phone. So naturally, I had Liam sprawl himself out on the parking lot pavement (perfectly safe, I assure you) to retrieve my lost cell phone.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Is Also a Thief
Teenagers don't snuggle with their parents... they refuse to give a mom or dad a hug on their way out to school and I'm pretty sure a kiss on the cheek is out of the question. And because teens don't show affection to their parents, I"m pretty sure pre-teens don't either (because they're trying to be cool, like teens). Add on to that the fact that I'm a mother of two boys and we end up with this sad but likely scenario that my days of getting hugs, kisses and cuddles may very well be numbered. I mean, we're pretty much talking about 4-6 more years of hugging, kissing and cuddling with my kids. I'd hope for more because Josh is still so young but he starts off as less of the affectionate kind and also he'll want to emulate his older brother by ignoring his mother, I'm sure.
It's already pretty hard to capture a real cuddle from our kids. True, you can get a good solid hug and even a kiss just by asking... but to get a sit-still-and-cuddle-moment? Those usually have to be stolen. For those of you who are interested in stealing as many cuddles as you can before your kids become pre-teens (or worse... teens), I've compiled a few ideas for places/ways to catch an honest-to-goodness-cuddle.
1) Movie Night- No real reason to hit the theaters; they have armrests which impede a good cuddle. So curl up on your own couch and save some bucks. It's not too much TV if you're right there with them! If it makes you feel better, you can talk about the characters, plot and setting. Now, once you've got your kid in a cuddle, don't move. This might be hard but if you move, they'll get antsy and move farther away from you. And then you're stuck watching Care Bears: The Movie and you're not even getting a cuddle out of it.
2) After a nap- We find that post-nap is a great time for a cuddle because the kids are so groggy!
3) Middle of the night- This isn't the best option if you're looking for an interactive cuddle (i.e. the kid actually enjoying the cuddling with you) but still, that peaceful sleeping face is so sweet. Maybe if you have time you can just lie next to them for a few minutes.
4) Looking at the stars- This isn't just a bad pick-up line anymore... (A friend of mine actually did fall for that line once)... You can use those glow-in-the-dark stars like we did in Liam's room or you could be more realistic/outdoorsy and opt for the real-deal. Either way, make it a nightly ritual to look up at those stars before bedtime. Just try not to fall asleep while looking.
5) In a hammock- This works great because hammocks immediately trap you and your unsuspecting cuddler. Then there's the calming swaying back and forth, back and forth, and the cloud formations to look at too! A great way to steal a good cuddle!
6) Christmas- You know all of that excitement relating to the holiday? Not to mention the fact that your kids will have woken up way too early? Well take advantage of their utter exhaustion, gratitude and euphoria and steal a cuddle at the end of the day. Forget about the dishes- that's what December 26th is for.
7) Anytime you're trying to go somewhere or get something done- Never fails; if you need to get to the store between snack time and dinnertime, it's likely that is when you're kids would prefer to just stay home... cuddling. If you need to do the laundry, guess who would prefer to give Mommy a hug? Have you ever tried to cuddle while emptying the dishwasher? It's not great but you can't be too picky.
8) Storytime- Yes! You've got them trapped with the power of prose! Now steal those cuddles before they squirm away! It really doesn't matter how many times you've read "But Not the Hippopotamus", just read it again and again and again! I suggest interactive books like the lift-the-flap ones for longer sustained reading.
9) Bribery- If it's an emergency and your kids just won't cuddle without "reinforcements", try offering them candy in return for a cuddle. Or if you don't like bribery but you aren't averse to trickery, give them a slow-to-finish candy like a lollipop and plop them down on your lap to enjoy. Nice. For an added bonus, give yourself a piece of that candy too.
10) Now here's the best way to steal a cuddle and it doesn't last long so you need to savor it... Cuddle with a newborn baby. They are so unsuspecting, they actually love to cuddle. Think of the warm embrace they've enjoyed for the past 9 months, now isn't that just what they're craving now that they're born? Isn't that why they curl up on your shoulder with their knees bent and feet tucked under? Isn't that why they fall asleep nestled in the nook of an arm? Plus, they need you so really it's the least they can do to cuddle with you. Enjoy the newborn cuddle, it's so sweet and perfect and warm. Enjoy it so much that you can save it up, like in a piggy bank. So when you're looking at your 13 year old sitting in the passenger's seat and he refuses even to give his dear mother a kiss goodbye before school, you can just close your eyes and remember how when he was a newborn, that little guy just needed you so much that he wanted nothing more than to be close to you. And as those days slowly approach for me, I will remember just how much I have loved every kiss, hug and cuddle... even the ones I've stolen.
It's already pretty hard to capture a real cuddle from our kids. True, you can get a good solid hug and even a kiss just by asking... but to get a sit-still-and-cuddle-moment? Those usually have to be stolen. For those of you who are interested in stealing as many cuddles as you can before your kids become pre-teens (or worse... teens), I've compiled a few ideas for places/ways to catch an honest-to-goodness-cuddle.
1) Movie Night- No real reason to hit the theaters; they have armrests which impede a good cuddle. So curl up on your own couch and save some bucks. It's not too much TV if you're right there with them! If it makes you feel better, you can talk about the characters, plot and setting. Now, once you've got your kid in a cuddle, don't move. This might be hard but if you move, they'll get antsy and move farther away from you. And then you're stuck watching Care Bears: The Movie and you're not even getting a cuddle out of it.
2) After a nap- We find that post-nap is a great time for a cuddle because the kids are so groggy!
3) Middle of the night- This isn't the best option if you're looking for an interactive cuddle (i.e. the kid actually enjoying the cuddling with you) but still, that peaceful sleeping face is so sweet. Maybe if you have time you can just lie next to them for a few minutes.
4) Looking at the stars- This isn't just a bad pick-up line anymore... (A friend of mine actually did fall for that line once)... You can use those glow-in-the-dark stars like we did in Liam's room or you could be more realistic/outdoorsy and opt for the real-deal. Either way, make it a nightly ritual to look up at those stars before bedtime. Just try not to fall asleep while looking.
5) In a hammock- This works great because hammocks immediately trap you and your unsuspecting cuddler. Then there's the calming swaying back and forth, back and forth, and the cloud formations to look at too! A great way to steal a good cuddle!
6) Christmas- You know all of that excitement relating to the holiday? Not to mention the fact that your kids will have woken up way too early? Well take advantage of their utter exhaustion, gratitude and euphoria and steal a cuddle at the end of the day. Forget about the dishes- that's what December 26th is for.
7) Anytime you're trying to go somewhere or get something done- Never fails; if you need to get to the store between snack time and dinnertime, it's likely that is when you're kids would prefer to just stay home... cuddling. If you need to do the laundry, guess who would prefer to give Mommy a hug? Have you ever tried to cuddle while emptying the dishwasher? It's not great but you can't be too picky.
8) Storytime- Yes! You've got them trapped with the power of prose! Now steal those cuddles before they squirm away! It really doesn't matter how many times you've read "But Not the Hippopotamus", just read it again and again and again! I suggest interactive books like the lift-the-flap ones for longer sustained reading.
9) Bribery- If it's an emergency and your kids just won't cuddle without "reinforcements", try offering them candy in return for a cuddle. Or if you don't like bribery but you aren't averse to trickery, give them a slow-to-finish candy like a lollipop and plop them down on your lap to enjoy. Nice. For an added bonus, give yourself a piece of that candy too.
10) Now here's the best way to steal a cuddle and it doesn't last long so you need to savor it... Cuddle with a newborn baby. They are so unsuspecting, they actually love to cuddle. Think of the warm embrace they've enjoyed for the past 9 months, now isn't that just what they're craving now that they're born? Isn't that why they curl up on your shoulder with their knees bent and feet tucked under? Isn't that why they fall asleep nestled in the nook of an arm? Plus, they need you so really it's the least they can do to cuddle with you. Enjoy the newborn cuddle, it's so sweet and perfect and warm. Enjoy it so much that you can save it up, like in a piggy bank. So when you're looking at your 13 year old sitting in the passenger's seat and he refuses even to give his dear mother a kiss goodbye before school, you can just close your eyes and remember how when he was a newborn, that little guy just needed you so much that he wanted nothing more than to be close to you. And as those days slowly approach for me, I will remember just how much I have loved every kiss, hug and cuddle... even the ones I've stolen.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Yearns for a Sunburn (because that means I've been on the beach and have sat still long enough to lose track of time)
Just looking at the picture made me breath a relaxed sigh. A slight smile came on my face as I looked up from the book to a small group of students in front of me. It was a picture of a beach. Dunes surrounded the page with an image of an empty beach chair begging me to sit down, take a rest, enjoy. There was a matching red & white striped umbrella next to the chair and in front lay endless sea, crashing waves and an eternal sense of happiness and sheer bliss. My students smiled and shared stories about their experiences at a beach- which was the objective of the lesson but also a nice reprieve from our daily grind of skills, practice and assessment. For a short time we were lost in our connections, our memories of happy times spent on the shore. I could feel my feet in the sand, hear the crashing of the waves, sense the pages of a novel between my fingers and the steady warmth of the sun beating down on my skin. I may have even given an audible sigh... until I was brought back to reality.
When was the last time I enjoyed a trip to the beach in this way? When did I allow myself to surrender to the sound of the waves, to forget so much about time that I actually got sun-poisoning (answer: Mexico 2001)? No, the last time I went to the beach it was in New Jersey. We entered the beach through a bar, which would have been promising except for the circumstances. We walked up over the deck and saw the beautiful ocean laid out in front of us... and that's when Liam told me that he couldn't possibly carry his sand toys so I was left to lug all of his shovels and pails and sandcastle molds, with our chairs, and our towels, and our sunscreen, and the umbrella, and somewhere in there (piled at the bottom) my book. We settled in and soon were in the water with Liam. The year before when we went to the ocean, Liam was scared but this time he was much more brave so me & my 9 month pregnant sister decided to go a little deeper- just below waist high. The waves were fun, we jumped and giggled. It was a bit too late before we noticed a gigantic wave that was just about to crash right over our heads and sure enough it did, tossing all three (actually four if you count the baby) of us forward. Now I remember being washed ashore as a kid and hating it but loving it at the same time. Thankfully, that's how Liam felt about the experience (after we got the salt out of his eyes) but me and my sister had a much different feeling about the experience of being trashed by a wave as a mother. For my sister, obviously it was unpleasant and scary but she managed to protect her baby-belly. For me it was highly traumatic- not just during as I thrust Liam as far up and forward as I could, away from the breaking wave so he wouldn't drown. Afterwards I couldn't help but imagine that he had been swept away by the wave into the undertow. You know when you just can't stop thinking of the worst-case-scenario?
What is there to enjoy at the beach if you can't play in the waves? Maybe some sunbathing? And that's about when I realized I was the only female on the beach wearing a "Mom Suit" complete with tankini and matching skirt. Really, everyone (even my pregnant sister) was wearing a bikini. I do own bikinis, it's just that over the years of going to public & community center pools and state park beaches, it's just kind of been beaten out of me. Moms wear mom-suits, not bikinis. Apparently that rule doesn't apply on the New Jersey Shore. Okay so I wasn't going to win best-dressed or sexiest lady on the beach. Once I gave that up, we started looking for shells and clams and I had to keep up with Liam who kept hitting on cute girls (telling them all about who knows what) because he doesn't fully grasp the need for personal space... ever. Plus I sat under an umbrella- that's how I know I'm over 30. I actually sat under an umbrella. And somehow, I still got a sunburn on my shoulder. Ridiculous.
And that was it. Going to the beach wasn't nearly as relaxing as I'd remembered it before I had responsibility over another human being. It just isn't the same anymore. And as that realization hit me, the kids in the small group looked sympathetically toward me and told me that soon enough, Liam & Josh would be old enough to play on their own at the beach. Someday they would run in the waves on their own and build their own sandcastles with the seashells they found without me. But these were shallow reassurances. Because I know these children. I know that their moms have taken them to the beach with full intent of drinking a daiquiri and reading a chapter (just one chapter) in their book only to be handed the boogie board their son couldn't carry by himself, to pick up the sunglasses she dropped as she ran full force into the water, to watch nervously as he jumped fearlessly into a giant crashing wave, to listen to endless nagging about why she couldn't have a virgin daiquiri and whether he could have $ so he could rent one of those cool banana boats or go para sailing. And I know most of their moms probably couldn't even find the bikini (just like me) and here these sweet children were telling me that soon I would get to relax but I totally didn't believe them.
No, there will be no relaxing at a beach anytime soon; at least not without a babysitter and a couple of airline tickets. I might never again pack lightly for the beach. But I am pretty sure next time I go to the Jersey Shore, at the very least, I will pack my bikini (if I can find it).
When was the last time I enjoyed a trip to the beach in this way? When did I allow myself to surrender to the sound of the waves, to forget so much about time that I actually got sun-poisoning (answer: Mexico 2001)? No, the last time I went to the beach it was in New Jersey. We entered the beach through a bar, which would have been promising except for the circumstances. We walked up over the deck and saw the beautiful ocean laid out in front of us... and that's when Liam told me that he couldn't possibly carry his sand toys so I was left to lug all of his shovels and pails and sandcastle molds, with our chairs, and our towels, and our sunscreen, and the umbrella, and somewhere in there (piled at the bottom) my book. We settled in and soon were in the water with Liam. The year before when we went to the ocean, Liam was scared but this time he was much more brave so me & my 9 month pregnant sister decided to go a little deeper- just below waist high. The waves were fun, we jumped and giggled. It was a bit too late before we noticed a gigantic wave that was just about to crash right over our heads and sure enough it did, tossing all three (actually four if you count the baby) of us forward. Now I remember being washed ashore as a kid and hating it but loving it at the same time. Thankfully, that's how Liam felt about the experience (after we got the salt out of his eyes) but me and my sister had a much different feeling about the experience of being trashed by a wave as a mother. For my sister, obviously it was unpleasant and scary but she managed to protect her baby-belly. For me it was highly traumatic- not just during as I thrust Liam as far up and forward as I could, away from the breaking wave so he wouldn't drown. Afterwards I couldn't help but imagine that he had been swept away by the wave into the undertow. You know when you just can't stop thinking of the worst-case-scenario?
What is there to enjoy at the beach if you can't play in the waves? Maybe some sunbathing? And that's about when I realized I was the only female on the beach wearing a "Mom Suit" complete with tankini and matching skirt. Really, everyone (even my pregnant sister) was wearing a bikini. I do own bikinis, it's just that over the years of going to public & community center pools and state park beaches, it's just kind of been beaten out of me. Moms wear mom-suits, not bikinis. Apparently that rule doesn't apply on the New Jersey Shore. Okay so I wasn't going to win best-dressed or sexiest lady on the beach. Once I gave that up, we started looking for shells and clams and I had to keep up with Liam who kept hitting on cute girls (telling them all about who knows what) because he doesn't fully grasp the need for personal space... ever. Plus I sat under an umbrella- that's how I know I'm over 30. I actually sat under an umbrella. And somehow, I still got a sunburn on my shoulder. Ridiculous.
And that was it. Going to the beach wasn't nearly as relaxing as I'd remembered it before I had responsibility over another human being. It just isn't the same anymore. And as that realization hit me, the kids in the small group looked sympathetically toward me and told me that soon enough, Liam & Josh would be old enough to play on their own at the beach. Someday they would run in the waves on their own and build their own sandcastles with the seashells they found without me. But these were shallow reassurances. Because I know these children. I know that their moms have taken them to the beach with full intent of drinking a daiquiri and reading a chapter (just one chapter) in their book only to be handed the boogie board their son couldn't carry by himself, to pick up the sunglasses she dropped as she ran full force into the water, to watch nervously as he jumped fearlessly into a giant crashing wave, to listen to endless nagging about why she couldn't have a virgin daiquiri and whether he could have $ so he could rent one of those cool banana boats or go para sailing. And I know most of their moms probably couldn't even find the bikini (just like me) and here these sweet children were telling me that soon I would get to relax but I totally didn't believe them.
No, there will be no relaxing at a beach anytime soon; at least not without a babysitter and a couple of airline tickets. I might never again pack lightly for the beach. But I am pretty sure next time I go to the Jersey Shore, at the very least, I will pack my bikini (if I can find it).
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