All before lunch today, my kids & I got a workout, worked on a much-dreaded chore, had playtime, spent time outdoors, got tired out (for some of us to have a nap), took care of the poison ivy problem behind the fence, learned first-hand about teamwork and also had a science lesson. Actually, this was all accomplished in about 1 1/2 hours. What did we do to accomplish so much? We raked leaves.
I'm not sure if it's good or bad but I seem to be incapable of just letting my kids play. Actually, that's not true, we do plenty of that (during the summer) but now I am in uber-efficiency mode because it's the school year and I know that each minute of every nap counts. There's no way I'm going to use up precious naptime for something as grueling as exercise and I've learned my lesson about exercising just for the sake of exercising while the kids are awake. And as for chores, same thing! It's not that I'm lazy during nap time. Quite the opposite. Most weekends I bring home a suitcase of schoolwork home and a to-do list that would have been hard to accomplish even if I didn't have kids. Plus, I need to watch all those shows I DVR'd throughout the week. So no, I wouldn't waste a good naptime for doing the dishes. Not when I can make it a family event!
So today we went outside with the pure intention of playing (and tiring the kids out so I could do schoolwork during their nap). But there they were... the dreaded leaves. We've had our fun with them but now they're turning our lawn yellow. Now to truly trick children into helping you, you need to just start working. It doesn't hurt to have two of the same size rakes. Today I tried to get Joshua to use a third rake, which was only about 1 foot long and plastic (a sandbox toy). He wasn't buying it and insisted on using my rake, which got him a bit frustrated. Now when a little helper gets frustrated, it's best to drop everything and distract them with something fun (i.e. jumping into a leaf pile) and then incorporate your work into it (i/e. raking leaves on top of the child). So we did this and before I knew it we were all back in the work-mode. Meanwhile Liam and I had a great conversation about how if we put our piles together and raked them at about the same time, we could move the pile much faster. Then we used our two rakes to "sandwich" the leaves and toss them over the fence. Some people like to burn their leaves and more civilized people put them into neat paper bags by the curb for the town to pick up. But we have a poison ivy problem on the other side of the fence so I prefer to dump all the leaves to smother out our little "issue" on the other side of the fence. While we were working in uber-productive mode, Liam informed me that leaves can make new trees. Serious misinformation but we had time to chat so I explained that acorns make new trees but leaves make food. He then told me that if you look with a microscope at a leaf, you can see the stored food. I explained it a little bit more to him and there you go, we had a hands-on science lesson! On our way inside, we stopped to inspect other trees whose leaves were turning colors and to discuss the evergreen on our front walkway.
Multi-tasking with kids doesn't have to end with leaf raking. We often multi-task with laundry too. First, we all end up with clean clothes but then matching socks is educational, right? Not to mention the exercise of making Liam run up & down stairs to put his clothes away in the correct drawers (or the exercise of an out of shape mother doing laundry circuits up and down the stairs). Baking involves measurement, a special treat for mom & dad, a reading activity and when it's all done it makes you look like a great hostess because... you actually baked! But a word of caution- it's probably a good idea to read the recipe before you start since reading while helping a child crack an egg into the badder is... a bit challenging. Once I forgot to read the directions and we ended up with zucchini bread with the seeds still in it. And what about the multi-tasking of playdates? A day for kids to play while their moms and/or dads hang out near the playground (okay, that's just a pipe dream- usually we end up on the same playground, true, but darting from this piece of equipment to that, catching each other's children and sliding down the slide in compromising positions).
Of course, multi-tasking can have it's poor side effects. Like it could end up breaking your vacuum. Or result in making sub-standard baked goods.
Being so good at multi-tasking, one would think I would keep an immaculate house and that I would be on top of my entire to-do list. If you think that, than you haven't visited my house unannounced lately or seen my to-do list. No, my house is far from clean. The leaves that blew into the house via the back porch last weekend... they're still there. And the sink full of dishes, it's still full (to be fair, no matter how often I load & unload the dishwasher, it does just seem like more dishes are waiting to be cleaned). Maybe if we had $ for a maid but I'm pretty sure they're expensive and I'm too stubborn to pay someone to vacuum my house. And maybe I would be able to stay on top of things if I didn't bring home such a full bag every night and weekend, hoping to expend every extra sliver of energy during nap or after bedtime to do schoolwork. So for now, multi-tasking isn't just for fun, exercise or a chance to bond with my family. It's really a matter of survival! So for now we'll keep multi-tasking; like having family night at the grocery store...
P.S. Does anyone know how to spell "uber". I think I spelled it wrong.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Has a Secret Hiding in the Closet
I'd like to introduce you to Frank. Frank spends most of his time in our hallway closet. He's our vacuum. I've decided to call him Frank because he truly is the Frankenstein of vacuums. Frank and I have been through a lot. I've appreciated his wheels when I've had to lug the canister up and down the hallway while carrying a baby. Frank is the perfect height to fit under our coffee table to vacuum up stray Cheerios. And really, as much as I complain about vacuuming the stairs (truly my least favorite of all household chores- except for doing the garbage, that's just horrible- mostly because I"m lazy and don't want to go outside), it's really not so bad with my trusty canister vacuum.
Now over the years, Frank has become a bit decrepit. Right now he's literally held together with duct tape. This is due to an unfortunate incident where I thought it would be a good idea to involve both boys in vacuuming. So I had Liam vacuuming with Joshua riding the canister (did I mention this was my idea) and was actually slightly surprised when the hose came off of the canister. Bill taped it back on but it hasn't quite been the same since. This would have been devastating if (1) it wasn't already considered a decrepit vacuum cleaner or (2) if I actually thought it couldn't be fixed and would have to immediately buy a vacuum. Instead we've been using the taped together vacuum for the last 4 months. Before the unfortunate riding-on-the-vacuum incident, we had our fair share of vacuum mishaps. The plug came off of the cord (but it cost only about $1.50 to fix with a new plug and a Handy-Manny-Husband- without the accent or talking tools). Joshua likes to steal the light cover on the vacuum head and has stolen it so many times that I just stopped putting the cover back on (in fact, I think the cover is in his toy box right now). Liam was vacuuming the stairs last week (I know, you're thinking about what a genius I am, getting my son to do my second least favorite chore for me) and kept screaming over the vacuum cleaner attachment: "It keeps falling off!" And I couldn't help but wonder, why would they make a vacuum cleaner attachment with a removable brush anyway?
A few years ago Bill bought me a new vacuum for Christmas. There it was, a brand new upright vacuum cleaner. He thought he was hilarious, buying such a useful gift for Christmas. But after looking up its ratings on Consumer Reports, we returned that one with the expectation of buying a new one with better ratings. That was 2 years ago (or maybe 3?).
I'm really not in too much too much of a hurry anyway. It seems like every time I shop for new vacuums there are new features which seem so appealing- like Hepa Filters & extending vacuum hoses! If I wait long enough, there could be a such thing as a vacuum that vacuums stairs without my assistance (think of the Roomba Helicopter). I'm really glad we didn't keep that upright anyway- last time I shopped for vacuums I picked up one of those uprights and they were so much heavier than Frank! If I thought vacuuming the stairs with Frank was a chore, imagine it with an upright! That was a close call! For now, I think I'll just continue to hide Frank in the closet. I'll just continue to tell people that we didn't vacuum... just so they don't get their expectations too high.
Now over the years, Frank has become a bit decrepit. Right now he's literally held together with duct tape. This is due to an unfortunate incident where I thought it would be a good idea to involve both boys in vacuuming. So I had Liam vacuuming with Joshua riding the canister (did I mention this was my idea) and was actually slightly surprised when the hose came off of the canister. Bill taped it back on but it hasn't quite been the same since. This would have been devastating if (1) it wasn't already considered a decrepit vacuum cleaner or (2) if I actually thought it couldn't be fixed and would have to immediately buy a vacuum. Instead we've been using the taped together vacuum for the last 4 months. Before the unfortunate riding-on-the-vacuum incident, we had our fair share of vacuum mishaps. The plug came off of the cord (but it cost only about $1.50 to fix with a new plug and a Handy-Manny-Husband- without the accent or talking tools). Joshua likes to steal the light cover on the vacuum head and has stolen it so many times that I just stopped putting the cover back on (in fact, I think the cover is in his toy box right now). Liam was vacuuming the stairs last week (I know, you're thinking about what a genius I am, getting my son to do my second least favorite chore for me) and kept screaming over the vacuum cleaner attachment: "It keeps falling off!" And I couldn't help but wonder, why would they make a vacuum cleaner attachment with a removable brush anyway?
A few years ago Bill bought me a new vacuum for Christmas. There it was, a brand new upright vacuum cleaner. He thought he was hilarious, buying such a useful gift for Christmas. But after looking up its ratings on Consumer Reports, we returned that one with the expectation of buying a new one with better ratings. That was 2 years ago (or maybe 3?).
I'm really not in too much too much of a hurry anyway. It seems like every time I shop for new vacuums there are new features which seem so appealing- like Hepa Filters & extending vacuum hoses! If I wait long enough, there could be a such thing as a vacuum that vacuums stairs without my assistance (think of the Roomba Helicopter). I'm really glad we didn't keep that upright anyway- last time I shopped for vacuums I picked up one of those uprights and they were so much heavier than Frank! If I thought vacuuming the stairs with Frank was a chore, imagine it with an upright! That was a close call! For now, I think I'll just continue to hide Frank in the closet. I'll just continue to tell people that we didn't vacuum... just so they don't get their expectations too high.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Has Sticky Fingers
I went trick or treating when I was in high school. I admit it. One year in high school (yes, I actually went trick or treating in high school more than once) we knocked on the door of this beautiful house across the street from our school and I couldn't help but comment, "I think your house is so beautiful, I always look out the window during class at your house." So did the homeowner look at me oddly because I was stalking his house or because I just gave away my age? Who knows. To be fair, I was a Halloween purist. I didn't believe in pranks or anything like that. I was really out because I just loved to dress up (I was a circus that year, the next year I was a cowgirl) and go house to house getting candy. I don't even remember liking the candy, more just the walking around in the dark with friends. We could have been unruly, we just chose not to.
Apparently the new tradition in my house is converting the basement to a haunted house. We spent one afternoon as a family setting up the haunted house. We hid monsters in the Bat Cave, taped spiders to the Thomas trains and made a series of tunnels using ... tunnels and blankets. Meanwhile Joshua walked around behind us putting Batman and Robin on the train tracks, walking around with the brain from Ned's Head and pulling down every blanket, tassel and piece of toilet paper he could wrap his fingers around.
Years past between my later high school years, college years and young adulthood before Halloween was able to regain its excitement. I once tried sitting on my boyfriend's (now hubbie's) porch doing my coursework while passing out candy to young children. None came. Just a handful of big kids. I dressed up in my cowgirl costume going to college parties where all of the other girls were dressed as Superwoman and french maids. Once I got my teaching job, Halloween took on a whole different meaning- loud parties with swarms of people clogging the school hallways... I barely had any energy for Halloween after that- not that it mattered because still, all we got at our door were a few big kids with pillowcases.
Imagine my excitement when I had kids of my own. Kids who love candy and any excuse to get more candy. Imagine the thrill of getting to walk around at night again, chat with neighbors and collect Twix bars... Mmmm... And so, Halloween has become a spectacle once again. I have an excuse to make a Halloween costume again. Just like when I was a kid and got the big idea to be a Cheerio box (and then painted the box all by myself) or a pizza (another of my creations, complete with a pizza cutter), now as a parent I get to concoct these crazy costuming schemes. Usually it goes something like this: I get a costume at a garage sale and then convince Liam that that's what he wants to be. I mean, seriously, one year I found him a fire fighter's rain coat complete with hat. That's awesome! It was a dual function costume for heaven's sake! Last year I found Joshua's costume (a shark- seriously I didn't think anything could be as cute as a baby lobster costume, but this was) so I convinced Liam to be a surfer. This year Joshua's hand-me-down was a dinosaur but I decided that it was a dragon and "quickly convinced" (that means strong-armed) Liam to be a wizard. Only, there didn't seem to be any wizard costumes for less than $10 anywhere I looked. I almost gave up and allowed him to be an astronaut. I had him try on my bathrobe & his bathrobe but neither worked. I returned to the craft store for the second night in a row and eventually settled on a shiny fabric for at 50% off a yard. It still came to over $12 but as a poncho with a witch hat and my Suma Cum Laud (wouldn't it be really ironic if I spelled that wrong, in fact, I'm not going to even look up the correct spelling) rope tassel thingies he does look a bit like a wizard. As a finishing touch we went with a white felt beard. Only who knew that felt can't be glued together... so I just spent 20 minutes sewing glued felt together. My hands are still sticky.Apparently the new tradition in my house is converting the basement to a haunted house. We spent one afternoon as a family setting up the haunted house. We hid monsters in the Bat Cave, taped spiders to the Thomas trains and made a series of tunnels using ... tunnels and blankets. Meanwhile Joshua walked around behind us putting Batman and Robin on the train tracks, walking around with the brain from Ned's Head and pulling down every blanket, tassel and piece of toilet paper he could wrap his fingers around.
Halloween. It's one of those holidays with hidden (and not so hidden) costs a not-so-perfect crafter's nightmare. A holiday where it's not enough to make macaroni & cheese- you have to make it in muffin tins with olive eyes and spinach legs (swamp creatures) or plain chicken- it's got to be chicken fingers, of course! It's a holiday of cupcakes, candy corn, popcorn balls and apple cider donuts (I swear I heard a kid in school today say, "I just ate so much candy, I think I'm diabetic"). It's a holiday where licensed characters roam around your neighborhood (think of the Power Rangers, Thomas the Train and Tigger walking hand-in-hand). And yet, if for just one hour on Halloween night I get to pull my two guys in our spooked-out Halloween wagon and we get to walk through a couple of cemeteries on the way to a neighbor's front door on a crisp fall evening... well, that just brings me back to the good old days (when I was back in high school).
Friday, October 15, 2010
Had a Crappy Day
Today I went to school with poop on my shirt. I mean, I walked into my place of business with human poop on my shirt. Seriously? Really? Have I reached an all-time low of lack of hygiene? Yes. No really, it was an unpredictable incident considering that Josh is way past the stage of leaky diapers. I changed his diaper this morning and I did notice that his clothes needed to be changed so I gave him a new pair of jeans & a new shirt. But what about my clothes? I was in too much of a rush to notice that when I picked him up, he must have leaked a little onto my shirt too.
This wasn't all bad news though. Actually from here the day did start improving- I mean really, when you hit an all-time low like seeing poop on your shirt when you're standing in your workplace bathroom, it really can only go uphill from there, right? So first I consider it a blessing that I noticed the poop rather than some child exclaiming, "What smells like crap?" and then realizing it would be me... their teacher. And let's say a child didn't notice it- today was parent teacher conference day- so I'm very appreciative that it wasn't a parent who caught a whiff of my poopy shirt. So this was all good because, first of all, I recognized the problem. Then it got even better. Several colleagues are participating in an upcoming Making Strides event and we were supposed to wear our team t-shirts today. Oh wonderful! Now I had an excuse not to wear my poopy shirt! And thankfully I had not had the foresight to take the Making Strides t-shirt home (to wash it) before the event! It was sitting right there by my desk! So I changed into the Making Strides shirt and used the opportunity to wash my other shirt. There was even time to dry it on the air vent. I didn't even get any questions from the kids- "Why is your shirt sitting on the air vent?" Because kids don't ever really notice things like that (in fact, it's not uncommon for me to find one of their go-gurt containers laying on the floor after school or glue toppled over and leaking onto counters or anything significant like that so why would they notice a t-shirt on the air vent?). By the time parent teacher conferences came around this afternoon, my shirt was freshly dried and it didn't have that poopy scent either (thanks to copious amounts of anti-bacterial soap- seriously, I think I cleaned that shirt better than my washing machine would have)!
The morale of the story is this... never trust your baby not to poop on you. This goes for infants as well as toddlers. Maybe even preschoolers. Just when you least expect it, they will poop on your shirt or worse- in the bathtub. Your baby does love you but that will still not stop him/her from pooping on you when you let your guard down. In the event that you do get pooped on, it would be a good idea to have an extra shirt at work, or at least some Febreeze. For me, I consider getting pooped on just one of those things working moms deal with. Okay, to be fair most working moms probably get away with never having their business suits soiled but me, I'm just not one of those moms so just to be sure, I think I'll keep the extra t-shirt in my bottom drawer.
This wasn't all bad news though. Actually from here the day did start improving- I mean really, when you hit an all-time low like seeing poop on your shirt when you're standing in your workplace bathroom, it really can only go uphill from there, right? So first I consider it a blessing that I noticed the poop rather than some child exclaiming, "What smells like crap?" and then realizing it would be me... their teacher. And let's say a child didn't notice it- today was parent teacher conference day- so I'm very appreciative that it wasn't a parent who caught a whiff of my poopy shirt. So this was all good because, first of all, I recognized the problem. Then it got even better. Several colleagues are participating in an upcoming Making Strides event and we were supposed to wear our team t-shirts today. Oh wonderful! Now I had an excuse not to wear my poopy shirt! And thankfully I had not had the foresight to take the Making Strides t-shirt home (to wash it) before the event! It was sitting right there by my desk! So I changed into the Making Strides shirt and used the opportunity to wash my other shirt. There was even time to dry it on the air vent. I didn't even get any questions from the kids- "Why is your shirt sitting on the air vent?" Because kids don't ever really notice things like that (in fact, it's not uncommon for me to find one of their go-gurt containers laying on the floor after school or glue toppled over and leaking onto counters or anything significant like that so why would they notice a t-shirt on the air vent?). By the time parent teacher conferences came around this afternoon, my shirt was freshly dried and it didn't have that poopy scent either (thanks to copious amounts of anti-bacterial soap- seriously, I think I cleaned that shirt better than my washing machine would have)!
The morale of the story is this... never trust your baby not to poop on you. This goes for infants as well as toddlers. Maybe even preschoolers. Just when you least expect it, they will poop on your shirt or worse- in the bathtub. Your baby does love you but that will still not stop him/her from pooping on you when you let your guard down. In the event that you do get pooped on, it would be a good idea to have an extra shirt at work, or at least some Febreeze. For me, I consider getting pooped on just one of those things working moms deal with. Okay, to be fair most working moms probably get away with never having their business suits soiled but me, I'm just not one of those moms so just to be sure, I think I'll keep the extra t-shirt in my bottom drawer.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Is Done With Mommy & Me Yoga!
Several months ago Bill & I decided that our scale was broken. We promptly threw it away and it hasn't been replaced since. Ever since I have been living the sweet life of ignoring when my pants snap open in public, eating popcorn covered in parmesan cheese right before bed and generally stalking the faculty room for snacks. But it has caught up to me, I suppose. The evil doctor's office scale with it's 4 pound overages (at least that's what Bill claims), the aforementioned pants that refuse to cooperate by staying snapped and the fact that my mom jeans seem to be filling out in the gut area... So it may be time to exercise... I suppose.
Previous attempts at exercise have not gone well since I've had kids. Well, to be fair, I did enjoy the Mommy & Me yoga class I took with Liam when he was an infant but it's really all gone downhill since then. I enjoy yoga as much as the next person but I do not enjoy downward facing dog while having my hair pulled by a baby and having a four year old try to climb over Mommy Mountain. Likewise, it's equally uncomfortable in upwards facing dog with two kids sitting on your back. And doing the boat pose with Josh sitting "in the boat" (pretty much on my belly while I try to keep my legs bent at the knee and feet levitating) is also not so fun. I've tried other more fun workouts like the Bollywood dancing. It just ends up a massive flurry of scarves and then Liam complains that the music "isn't rock and roll enough". The Family Walk program is met with the least possible amount of enthusiasm.
So exercising with children is out. Which leaves the early morning hours. HAH! Conveniently, however, with Liam's preschool at the community center, we also have a membership to the gym, classes & pool (this wasn't really an option and we do have to pay for it, so it's less of a perk and more of a necessity). Being extremely cheap, I feel it's our job to make use of this gym membership and in doing so to hopefully encourage the snap on my pants to stay closed (unless it's a defective snap, that is possible, right?).
After 4 months of membership, I went to my first yoga class this past week. Literally, my first yoga class ever (besides the Mommy & Me class but that class involved babies sleeping, simple stretches and nursing whenever baby was hungry). And because the world is hilarious like that, the only spot available for me was in the front. So not only did everyone get to see my lack of balance and grace, I also got to see it face front in the mirror. Now on my way to yoga I thought to myself that I didn't care what this instructor asked us to do (the wheel, pigeon or chair... bring it on) as long as there were no babies, toddlers or preschoolers looming about. True, I was able to do a downward facing dog without having my leg pulled out from under me, but then who was to blame when I struggled to keep my balance in airplane pose? And where were my scapegoats when I found that doing the wheel was simply not an option for me and I needed a break (okay, I'll take a break from this grueling yoga practice to get you a cookie)?
Needless to say, this might be the push I need to get myself back in shape. I'm not a lazy person but I admit to lately preferring a Cheetoh over an apple. But it's about time for me to get back to reality. True, it takes guns of steel to shred cheese while holding a 25 pound clingy child... but apparently that doesn't help tone my jelly belly. So for now, I think I will wake up at the silly early hour of 5:30 am so I can squeeze in a workout before the day begins. And maybe... just maybe... in a few weeks in class I'll be able to graduate from the 2 pound weights (yes, laugh at me) to the 4 pound ones! And maybe I'll even be able to do the tree pose while leaning to one side with my weight held over my head... without falling over. But just in case, I think next time I'll leave the kids a few minutes earlier to get a spot in the back...
Previous attempts at exercise have not gone well since I've had kids. Well, to be fair, I did enjoy the Mommy & Me yoga class I took with Liam when he was an infant but it's really all gone downhill since then. I enjoy yoga as much as the next person but I do not enjoy downward facing dog while having my hair pulled by a baby and having a four year old try to climb over Mommy Mountain. Likewise, it's equally uncomfortable in upwards facing dog with two kids sitting on your back. And doing the boat pose with Josh sitting "in the boat" (pretty much on my belly while I try to keep my legs bent at the knee and feet levitating) is also not so fun. I've tried other more fun workouts like the Bollywood dancing. It just ends up a massive flurry of scarves and then Liam complains that the music "isn't rock and roll enough". The Family Walk program is met with the least possible amount of enthusiasm.
So exercising with children is out. Which leaves the early morning hours. HAH! Conveniently, however, with Liam's preschool at the community center, we also have a membership to the gym, classes & pool (this wasn't really an option and we do have to pay for it, so it's less of a perk and more of a necessity). Being extremely cheap, I feel it's our job to make use of this gym membership and in doing so to hopefully encourage the snap on my pants to stay closed (unless it's a defective snap, that is possible, right?).
After 4 months of membership, I went to my first yoga class this past week. Literally, my first yoga class ever (besides the Mommy & Me class but that class involved babies sleeping, simple stretches and nursing whenever baby was hungry). And because the world is hilarious like that, the only spot available for me was in the front. So not only did everyone get to see my lack of balance and grace, I also got to see it face front in the mirror. Now on my way to yoga I thought to myself that I didn't care what this instructor asked us to do (the wheel, pigeon or chair... bring it on) as long as there were no babies, toddlers or preschoolers looming about. True, I was able to do a downward facing dog without having my leg pulled out from under me, but then who was to blame when I struggled to keep my balance in airplane pose? And where were my scapegoats when I found that doing the wheel was simply not an option for me and I needed a break (okay, I'll take a break from this grueling yoga practice to get you a cookie)?
Needless to say, this might be the push I need to get myself back in shape. I'm not a lazy person but I admit to lately preferring a Cheetoh over an apple. But it's about time for me to get back to reality. True, it takes guns of steel to shred cheese while holding a 25 pound clingy child... but apparently that doesn't help tone my jelly belly. So for now, I think I will wake up at the silly early hour of 5:30 am so I can squeeze in a workout before the day begins. And maybe... just maybe... in a few weeks in class I'll be able to graduate from the 2 pound weights (yes, laugh at me) to the 4 pound ones! And maybe I'll even be able to do the tree pose while leaning to one side with my weight held over my head... without falling over. But just in case, I think next time I'll leave the kids a few minutes earlier to get a spot in the back...
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Attempts to Offer Advice to the New Mommies Out There!
This weekend I went to see my sister and her new baby. He turned two weeks old and has at least a month left of that newborn status where he gets to look around the world with hazy eyes and (my favorite part) curl up onto a warm shoulder to take a nap. Soon enough she/he'll be a round, bright eyed baby squirming to get wherever he wants to go and babbling to say whatever is on his/her mind! And so in honor of this brand new baby in the family, I have a few words of advice to any new mother or any mother who has older kids & may have forgotten about the baby stages already (like I did before this weekend)...
(1) Keep the diaper on the baby at all times. If you take a diaper off, you risk immediate peril to your fluffy slippers, leather couch and/or white carpet.
(2) Relating to #1- When you are holding a naked baby and you say, "He/She is peeing on me!" You better hope that it's pee.
(3) Don't expect any clothing to actually fit your newborn baby. Even the newborn sizes don't fit newborn babies.
(4) Baby toys are useless. If the package says anything below 3 months, you can just laugh about it and save yourself the $12.
(5) Relating to #4- I don't think any baby I've ever met has actually liked having a rattle on their socks, mittens or wrists.
(6) Many people say that when your baby sleeps, you should sleep but I disagree. While taking a nap with baby is the pure definition of bliss... if you're not holding the baby you may want to consider one of the following options during his/her short nap: (a) Take a shower; it's 3 pm! or (b) Do the dishes; your husband is more likely to cook dinner for you when he gets home if the sink is empty.
(7) If you're wondering where to put the baby when you're not holding him, this is where either one of those 3 bouncy seats you have put together would come in handy or where it would be handy to have a carpeted floor, a blanket and no animals in the house (in my experience, animals tend to steal binkies... but then again when I had my first baby our animal in the house was a ferret).
(8) If you get your baby a cute matchy outfit (ie pants, shirt, jacket, hat, booties, etc...) expect only 2/3 of the outfit to fit. Clearly some outfits are cuter on the hanger but never expected to actually be worn (think of it kind of like those super sexy numbers in Victoria's Secret).
(9) Relating to #8- It might be awhile before you can walk into a Victoria's Secret without feeling "awkward"- particularly if you're walking into Victoria's Secret (a) Looking for a nursing bra (b) With a stroller and/or (c) In bleach-stained baggy sweats (because they're the only thing that fit).
(10) If you are a klutz, like this Worst Best Mom Ever, than you may want to constantly dress your baby with a cute, padded hat. That way when you walk too close to the door frame, baby won't get hurt.
(11) Baths can really be relaxing for babies... and the baby will be naked... so expect the unexpected while bathing the baby. And often times (if you have a boy), the unexpected will come in a rather large arch so you may want to clear off whatever is around the sink or tub before bathing baby.
(12) For the baby's first doctor's appointment, you should bring two extra changes of clothing for the baby... and an extra change of clothes for yourself too (again, since doctor's visits include baby nudity).
(13) Consider pictures your baby might regret when he/she gets older (nudity & cross dressing to be specific). Then decide if that means you want to avoid taking the picture or perhaps take more pictures just like it.
(14) Cadbury eggs might keep you from going crazy.
(15) I think I made this one up when I had my first baby- "Everything works sometimes and sometimes nothing works". Then I had my second baby and he taught me that "Often times anything works". So in conclusion, I guess that just means that you can toss out all of the advice (#s1-14) anyone ever gives you and just follow your instinct.
Okay and just to wrap it up... here's the worst advice we ever received upon becoming parents... Actually, Bill received the advice and I really doubt he ever followed it...
*Wait 2 weeks to taste the breast milk. And when you do taste it, try it in your coffee!
And now, in a shameless effort to encourage others to comment!!! What is your advice to a new mommy? And I don't mean that cheesy advice that you give people for that game at the baby shower, I mean your real-life advice!
(1) Keep the diaper on the baby at all times. If you take a diaper off, you risk immediate peril to your fluffy slippers, leather couch and/or white carpet.
(2) Relating to #1- When you are holding a naked baby and you say, "He/She is peeing on me!" You better hope that it's pee.
(3) Don't expect any clothing to actually fit your newborn baby. Even the newborn sizes don't fit newborn babies.
(4) Baby toys are useless. If the package says anything below 3 months, you can just laugh about it and save yourself the $12.
(5) Relating to #4- I don't think any baby I've ever met has actually liked having a rattle on their socks, mittens or wrists.
(6) Many people say that when your baby sleeps, you should sleep but I disagree. While taking a nap with baby is the pure definition of bliss... if you're not holding the baby you may want to consider one of the following options during his/her short nap: (a) Take a shower; it's 3 pm! or (b) Do the dishes; your husband is more likely to cook dinner for you when he gets home if the sink is empty.
(7) If you're wondering where to put the baby when you're not holding him, this is where either one of those 3 bouncy seats you have put together would come in handy or where it would be handy to have a carpeted floor, a blanket and no animals in the house (in my experience, animals tend to steal binkies... but then again when I had my first baby our animal in the house was a ferret).
(8) If you get your baby a cute matchy outfit (ie pants, shirt, jacket, hat, booties, etc...) expect only 2/3 of the outfit to fit. Clearly some outfits are cuter on the hanger but never expected to actually be worn (think of it kind of like those super sexy numbers in Victoria's Secret).
(9) Relating to #8- It might be awhile before you can walk into a Victoria's Secret without feeling "awkward"- particularly if you're walking into Victoria's Secret (a) Looking for a nursing bra (b) With a stroller and/or (c) In bleach-stained baggy sweats (because they're the only thing that fit).
(10) If you are a klutz, like this Worst Best Mom Ever, than you may want to constantly dress your baby with a cute, padded hat. That way when you walk too close to the door frame, baby won't get hurt.
(11) Baths can really be relaxing for babies... and the baby will be naked... so expect the unexpected while bathing the baby. And often times (if you have a boy), the unexpected will come in a rather large arch so you may want to clear off whatever is around the sink or tub before bathing baby.
(12) For the baby's first doctor's appointment, you should bring two extra changes of clothing for the baby... and an extra change of clothes for yourself too (again, since doctor's visits include baby nudity).
(13) Consider pictures your baby might regret when he/she gets older (nudity & cross dressing to be specific). Then decide if that means you want to avoid taking the picture or perhaps take more pictures just like it.
(14) Cadbury eggs might keep you from going crazy.
(15) I think I made this one up when I had my first baby- "Everything works sometimes and sometimes nothing works". Then I had my second baby and he taught me that "Often times anything works". So in conclusion, I guess that just means that you can toss out all of the advice (#s1-14) anyone ever gives you and just follow your instinct.
Okay and just to wrap it up... here's the worst advice we ever received upon becoming parents... Actually, Bill received the advice and I really doubt he ever followed it...
*Wait 2 weeks to taste the breast milk. And when you do taste it, try it in your coffee!
And now, in a shameless effort to encourage others to comment!!! What is your advice to a new mommy? And I don't mean that cheesy advice that you give people for that game at the baby shower, I mean your real-life advice!
Monday, October 4, 2010
Has Earned Some Perspective
Perspective comes with age and it can't be rushed. Take, for example, a young person's musical tastes. Liam is perpetually seeking out his own brand of "rock star" music. When he finds it, he breaks into a semi-violent air guitar routine which inevitably ends up knocking him off his own feet and giving me a headache (I have much to look forward to in ten years). One night we were having a family dance party and taking requests. Liam kept saying, "That's not hard enough!" Now my husband was one of those kids who made the whole house shake with his musical choices in high school... so our CD collection is not lacking in hard rock and even some stuff that's so hard it makes my eyes roll back in my head. After Liam kept asking for harder, Bill finally gave in and put on a Napalm Death CD (of course, we didn't tell Liam the name of the band). We were informed that Napalm Death was not hard enough. I suggested Pantera. Still not hard enough for Liam. That's saying quite a lot. I remember the first time I heard Pantera when I was in my teens and just at the sound of it, it made me cry. So when Liam didn't think Pantera was hard enough, we were a bit perplexed. Until Liam said in a disappointed voice, [sigh] "I should have just put on my Chimpunks rock and roll CD." Oh, perspective. That's what he wanted. And while it wasn't exactly "hard" listening to the chipmunks sing "Three Little Birds", that was Liam's perspective on what hard rock and roll really was. So we gladly obliged (but somehow my headache got worse).
Oh perspective. How can I explain to Liam how it's simply not possible that he "loves Christmas more than I love him"? Well, to tell the complete story, he first told me that he loves Christmas more than he loves me. Then to top it off, he told me that his love for Christmas was more than my love for him. Really? How could I change that perspective so that the next day he wouldn't go wandering into his Jewish preschool telling people all about how his love of Christmas supersedes my love for him? I asked him why he loves Christmas. Because of the toys, the fun and the playing is what he said. I thought about why I love Christmas. Because of seeing his joy, eating good food, giving gifts I know people will love, the surprise, the tradition, the food that other people cooked, the snacks, the chocolate- back to topic- the warm cheeks by the fire, the happy music, the feeling of relaxation knowing that it's the beginning of vacation (now I'm fantasizing again). My point in my own head was that his perspective was still so shallow that, while he does appreciate all of those things, he still doesn't find them to be the defining moments of this special family holiday. He just likes the presents and toys and playing. And then the other part- how could he possibly compare my love for him to his love of Christmas? I told him that I loved him way more than I love Christmas but that still didn't seem to sway his opinions. I said, "Liam, you love Christmas way up into the sky, right? Well, I love you deep into the earth." He still didn't get it. Instead he giggled and we digressed into lists of what we loved about each other (with him copying most of what I said and/or stating things he saw in front of him like- as we pulled up to the basketball net in our driveway, "I love you because you let me play basketball").
And the truth is, a love of a human being is far deeper than a love of a special day. And how long will it take for Liam to truly realize the depth of his feelings? And to gain perspective on musical preferences? I'm thinking that we have more hope for the latter and I'm also thinking of getting him some really good headphones for Christmas sometime before he turns 14.
Oh perspective. How can I explain to Liam how it's simply not possible that he "loves Christmas more than I love him"? Well, to tell the complete story, he first told me that he loves Christmas more than he loves me. Then to top it off, he told me that his love for Christmas was more than my love for him. Really? How could I change that perspective so that the next day he wouldn't go wandering into his Jewish preschool telling people all about how his love of Christmas supersedes my love for him? I asked him why he loves Christmas. Because of the toys, the fun and the playing is what he said. I thought about why I love Christmas. Because of seeing his joy, eating good food, giving gifts I know people will love, the surprise, the tradition, the food that other people cooked, the snacks, the chocolate- back to topic- the warm cheeks by the fire, the happy music, the feeling of relaxation knowing that it's the beginning of vacation (now I'm fantasizing again). My point in my own head was that his perspective was still so shallow that, while he does appreciate all of those things, he still doesn't find them to be the defining moments of this special family holiday. He just likes the presents and toys and playing. And then the other part- how could he possibly compare my love for him to his love of Christmas? I told him that I loved him way more than I love Christmas but that still didn't seem to sway his opinions. I said, "Liam, you love Christmas way up into the sky, right? Well, I love you deep into the earth." He still didn't get it. Instead he giggled and we digressed into lists of what we loved about each other (with him copying most of what I said and/or stating things he saw in front of him like- as we pulled up to the basketball net in our driveway, "I love you because you let me play basketball").
And the truth is, a love of a human being is far deeper than a love of a special day. And how long will it take for Liam to truly realize the depth of his feelings? And to gain perspective on musical preferences? I'm thinking that we have more hope for the latter and I'm also thinking of getting him some really good headphones for Christmas sometime before he turns 14.
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