Adults in a Candy Store

     We took the boys to Target to pick out our candy selection for Halloween.  Big mistake.  BIG mistake.  After we wrestled no less than 10 bags out of their dirty little paws, we settled on a chocolate mix.  It wasn't that they disagreed with our choices; they just wanted all of the candy.  Liam even said, "I want all of this candy."  I don't think he meant all of the types of candy either.  I think he literally wanted to take the department home with us.  Apparently the boys are not yet mature enough to help out with candy selection. 
     And I wonder why my kids aren't mature enough to shop for candy... that is, until I realize that I am not yet mature enough to accompany them trick or treating.  We went to a trick-or-treating event at a local school this weekend.  Liam scoped out every possible hallway where candy was being passed out.  He steered us into classrooms, down side hallways and off the beaten path.  As I tagged along behind him, I couldn't help but eye the stashes of candy myself.  Something about Halloween makes me want all of the candy.  I can't seem to put an end to it, but I just start to feel like a full candy bowl is... an accomplishment.  Like if we don't get enough variety, we've failed the task of Halloween.  Or maybe that's not it at all.  Maybe I feel entitled to the candy.  Like this is the chance for the world to give back (which is completely true if you take into account that we live on a dead end street and no one ever stops by our house; but yet we still put out candy each year).  Sometimes I can feel myself turn green with greed (I know, it's supposed to be green with envy, but whatever).  I just want more candy, MORE, MORE!!!  That might be the truth of it right there.
     Really, I feel that I've always been quite immature when it comes to Halloween. My last time out trick or treating, I accidentally let it slip to a home-owner that I could see their house from my classroom window each day... and since it was a high school across the street, I think they were a bit offended (and maybe concerned about a high school stalker who might skip classes just to stop by, expecting candy).  So clearly I clung on to my favorite parts of Halloween for far too long. It wasn't until the following year that I spent Halloween doing what every self-respecting teenager should be doing, running through ditches full of leaves and behind houses playing a game of "night tag" with toilet paper and silly string... and, of course, trick or treating at our teacher's houses. 
     Now that I'm a grown up, I see Halloween entirely differently.  I kind of feel like a mooch.  I'd probably feel better if more kids came to our house.  But as it is,. here we are going to other peoples' houses one-by-one, expecting them to serve us (while their kids are skipping by our street despite bowls of untouched, unwatched candy on all of our sidewalks).  One year I had Liam do UNICEF, which you would think would make me feel far less like a mooch, but actually it felt even worse!  Even though obviously UNICEF $ doesn't go to me (or in this case Liam) and it was going to be sent away to some deserving cause, I still felt that the home-owners were a bit put off so we haven't done it again since... plus, as greedy as I am, Liam is far worse and not good at hiding it. He would gladly let other children starve so that he could get a bite sized Snickers bar.
     I may not be mature enough to chaperone Halloween... each year rather than making a simple sweep of the neighborhood and heading home, we always find ourselves staying out past dark going to "just one more house".  The streets clear out and I insist on stopping at a couple more on the way home.  It's probably why I we stayed out a few years back, despite heavy rainfall later in the evening... because we had just gotten to the nice neighborhood.
     IRONY ALERT: I don't really like candy and we always have plenty of leftovers which we end up getting rid of before the Christmas candy influx. By the time Valentine's Day rolls around, I'm so sick of candy, I wouldn't think of stealing any of those little bite sized bars taped to the back of my kids' paper valentines.  And really, also, we don't end up with that much candy at Halloween.  I'm sure if I left Liam to his own devices, and didn't insist on him taking the extra 10 seconds to say "Thank you", I'm sure he'd come home with a full bag of loot.  But for now, we just stand in the back, eyeing the candy that gets dropped into the bucket.  Nicely suggesting, "We'll take the Twix bars" to the homeowner who smiles and politely says, "Those are my favorite too, how about taking a nice Butterfinger instead."



Hmm... choices, choices.
Joshy at age 1 1/2



Why choose when you can take three at once?
Liam at age 2 1/2

Joshy and His Friends

Inventory of Joshua's stuffed animals:  Hmmm... where do I start?  Might as well just jump right in... mind you, these are all capitalized because they are all their actual names.  Joshua is not too creative in the names department.  I'm pretty sure when he has kids, they will be Joshua, Jr. and Joshamina.

• 2 Little Doggies "that are brothers"
• Peter Rabbit
• Softest White Bear
• Yellow Bear
• Pooh Bear
• Brown Bear
• Big Lion
• Pink Lion
• Little Lion
• Mickey
• Ferret
• Soft Piggie
• Piggie
• Hamster
• Hamster That Was Mommies
• Crazy Monkey
• Pink Monkey
• Red Monkey
• Mommy Monkey & Baby Monkey
• Mommy Kangaroo & Baby Kangaroo/Joey
• Mommy's Elephant
• The Elephant Liam Made For Me When I Was A Baby
• Froggies (there are 3, the only distinguishing one is "Big Froggie")
• Liam's Chipmunk
• My Chipmunk
• Liam's Squirrel ("But where is my squirrel, and when will you fix Liam's squirrel and sew his butt?")
• Good Luck Bear (that used to be mommies)
• Cheer Bear
• Singing Blue Bear (who is stuffed into the bottom of the toy box because he is sooo annoying)
• White Doggie
• Zebra
• Lion (a different one)
• Black Cat
• Snakey
• Giraffe
• Rhinocerous
• Soft Leopard
• The Monkey Blanket Auntie Lor Got Me When I Was A Baby
• The Lion With a Blanket
• and last, but not least, the animal that started it all.... Alligator

     This is an accounting of most of Joshua's "friends" but not all of them.  I'm pretty sure I've left out at least 15.  Here's the problem.  I am expected to have a full accounting of all of Joshua's animals at any given time.  It doesn't matter who had them last (Joshua) and where they had them (behind the couch, thrown down the stairs, under the Lego table in Liam's room, next to the potty, etc...).  Regardless, it is fully expected that I will know where any one of them is according to Joshua's whim.  Of course, it's fully expected at this point by me that Joshua will come up with the most obscure of all his animals, the friend who is least likely to be found at that particular moment or who happens to be in the car when it is raining outside (bummer, detached garage).  And so I have found myself crawling under tables, feeling around under beds and digging through bins and bags to find just the right one to help Joshua fall asleep that night.
     It gets a bit worse.  Joshua has started this full accounting of his toys now too.  So my responsibilities have tripled.  I am now expected to keep track of his magic wand (which cost 25 cents), his noise maker, the Sponge Bob toy he got from McDonalds, his red car, his green car, his blue car... you get the idea).  In this house that is overflowing with toys, I really cannot keep up.  Especially not since we started bribing Joshua to become potty trained.  Now he is "earning" countless penny treasures for doing what nature calls on us to do quite naturally.  He has amassed such a fortune that there is no possible way I can know at all times where his parachute man, old silly putty, new silly putty, slide whistle, big whistle and monster finger puppet could possibly be.
     This is like the book Knuffle Bunny (by Mo Willems) times 100.  It's like Corderoy Bear but instead of the bear coming to look for us, we have to go searching for them!  There was one time when it was my fault of course.  We had gone to the city to go to the zoo. We were hours away from home and stopped for dinner.  I know I had Alligator at the dinner table.  I know we had Alligator in the bathroom.  I thought I remembered Alligator resting on top of my purse.  I didn't remember having Alligator after that.  We got back on the big road to head home and... where was Alligator?  Bill looked at me.  I looked at Bill. "We have to go back," Bill said in a deadpan, serious tone.  He got off the exit and headed back.  It was 9:00 pm by this point, did I mention we were hours away from home?  We got back to the restaurant.  No Alligator.  I went to the bathrooms.  No Alligator.  I headed back to the car, forlorn and wincing because I knew what would come next.  Nothing, Joshua had fallen asleep. But the seriousness wasn't lost on either Bill, me or even Liam who was still awake in the backseat.  We needed to find that Alligator.  Bravely Bill took to the streets, canvasing our path to find our furry Webkinz friend.  Yes, we know, ... he's actually a Crocodile (once we found that out, it was already too late so the name "Alligator" just stuck).  There he was; in the gutter where our car had been parked.  When Josh woke up close to home, he had no idea the tragedy that almost had occurred.  To not have Alligator would've been unthinkable, I think.
     So sometimes I will need to crawl under tables, feel under beds and search the gutter.  And I know I will constantly have to remind Joshua, "I can't keep track of all of your animals!"  but in the end I hope he knows I will find them, brush them off (wash them several times) and give them back to him... especially if it's my fault he lost them in the first place. 

Why I Don't Need A Watch

     This is why I am always late.  I've figured it out.  It's not because I have kids; it's not because  drive slowly (hah!); it's not because I wait until the last minute to leave and it's not because I forget things at home and have to turn around.  Nope.  It's because I hate being early.  In my eyes, there's nothing worse than arriving early.  I'll risk not getting there on time if it means I don't have to be sitting there, with no real purpose, waiting 10 minutes early and then an additional 15 minutes while I wait for the next person to arrive.
     This being said, I am always late (never on time).  I tend to run between 7-20 minutes late for every event I attend.  I tend to run about 2 minutes late to every special that I walk my students to.  Even when I set myself up for leaving early, I fill my time up with other tasks just to aim to be there on time (which ends up being late).  I will wash dishes, fold laundry, even untangle a ball of yarn.  Of course, then there's always the unpredictable tasks... which happen so often that they could actually be considered "predictable".  These include: a dirty diaper, spilled oatmeal, when only can find 1 of my shoes, oops we forgot to pack snacks and also "Did anyone brush their teeth?"  So once I've sufficiently postponed leaving early and instead managed to make myself late, we end up speeding through the quiet neighborhoods near our home and making excuses at our destination.
     But the alternative is much much worse.  This morning we had a play date and we were early.  I tried to become late but despite my efforts, we ended up getting there early. I actually looked at the clock and misread it.  I thought it read "9:29" when actually it must've been 9:19 because once everyone did their whole shoe-putting-on routine, it was only 9:30 and we were out the door.  I caught a glimpse of the clock on the way out and was rightfully perplexed.  Our destination wasn't more than 15 minutes away.  I couldn't think of any ways to make us late. Both kids had their shoes on and were out the door.  My mind filled with ideas... I could move the wash over but no, maybe I should just return that inspiration purchase I bought at the Halloween store (I admit it, a caped Wonderwoman shirt).
     Unfortunately it was Sunday today so the Halloween store wasn't open yet.  And we didn't hit any traffic either.  I did consider going to a grocery store but... that'd make us helplessly late so I decided against it.  We ended up at the park just about 10 minutes early so we took a potty break.  Usually the kids just play until they can't take it anymore so stopping before playing was a novel concept.  But it was 10:06 and the playdate wasn't there.  I got a text, "We'll be there shortly".  We played awkwardly for 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes... which is hilarious because if we were just at the playground to play with just the three of us, we'd have had a great time swinging and climbing and sliding.  But for some reason when you are waiting for someone, it's just plain awkward. 
     Here's the thing.  If I'm meeting you somewhere, I'll never get mad if you run late (except if you're my husband).  I completely understand.  Believe me, I understand.  And I'd hate to disappoint you if you've been waiting patiently for us when we are running late.  But if I had a choice, I'd show up just about 2 minutes after you. 
    

Plastic Wrap, Cellophane and Cardboard

     I always thought individual wrappings were a waste.  I still do but despite my best efforts at accumulating Tupperware containers... we seem to be buying more and more individually wrapped snacks for the children.
     It started with cheese sticks. For some reason that I cannot imagine, packing actually cut up cheese (even in the shape of a "stick") and putting it in a lunchbox just isn't received well.  For some reason, Liam just prefers his cheese to be stringy or twisted together (cheddar and mozzarella) and my self-cut cheeses just can't compete.  Plus a cheese stick is much like a Twinkie.  They just don't seem to go bad (which is dangerously counter-intuitive considering that they need to be refrigerated).  There isn't even a sell-by date stamped on them (also a little disconcerting).
     For years I've seen kids coming to school with lunch bags full of prepackaged snacks.  4 packs of Oreos, small bags of chips, even pre-wrapped pickles.  Naturally, I thought I was better than all of their parents and that when I had children, all of their snacks would be snuggly fit into Tupperware of varying sizes.  I thought I would buy big bags of snacks- economically and environmentally friendly- and then repack them into said Tupperware. I thought I would reuse plastic bags.  That's hilarious.  Right now I suppose my track record isn't too too bad.  For the most part, when we have a big bag, I certainly do find an appropriately sized Tupperware.  And the same goes for the cookies.  But I've certainly had to get off the high horse.  Instead of buying large yogurt containers and giving just a little bit to Liam each day, I've gone the way of the Go-Gurt (in my defense, I usually try to get the brand with less sugar).  It's hard to pass up the mom-tested-and-proven trick of freezing the Go-Gurts and then the next day not only will your child get a cool yogurt treat (a smoothie, if you will), they will also get a decent ice pack in their snack bag to keep the water cool for the morning.
     I admit, I slacked off during our vacation last year.  We saved hundreds at Disney by stuffing prepackaged snacks into our backpacks to tide us over between meals.  Instead of snacking on $10 bins of popcorn and heated up pretzels, adults and children alike all munched on Rice Krispie treats, cereal bars, fruit leather and crackers.  Side note: the bakery on Main Street had humungous cinnamon buns which were a perfect exception to our snacks-from-the-backpack rule.  I got a little spoiled by pre-packaged snacks on vacation so this summer as we headed out for science classes, swim lessons and play dates, I packed up a lunch bag full of treats, mostly pre-wrapped and ready to eat.  And as a result, we had handfuls of plastic wrappings to show for it, including those little clear plastic straw wrappers that static cling to your hand when you try to throw them out and inevitably end up on the ground as litter.
     I suppose it's not just the children I need to blame here for pushing me into the realm of individually wrapped items.  After all, for years now I have been taking a Lean Cuisine lunch to school in my lunchbag. This includes a plastic container (if microwaved, could cause cancer), plastic film as well as a cardboard box.  If I get the Lean Cuisines from the wholesale store, not only will they have the plastic container, film and cardboard box, they will also be reinforced with an extra sheet of cardboard and then plastic wrapped.  What's up with the Fort Knox of Lean Cuisines? 
     Maybe I'm old fashioned.  I kind of wish we could go back to the days of individual wrapping meaning the peel of a banana (or an orange). It just seems that after all of those lessons I learned in elementary school about "Reduce, Reuse and Recycle"... we've actually taken several steps backwards instead.  Maybe we're afraid of contamination and want to keep our kids' snacks clean and disease-free... or maybe we're all just lazy.  I can admit to that.  I suppose it is a bit easier to pack Liam's snack with a small bag of Pirate Booty, a packaged fruit leather and a cup of applesauce.  Is it good enough that I tell him not to throw out the spoon so he can re-use it tomorrow?