Worst Best Mom Ever

     Consider this Worst Best Mom scenario:  I'm at the pool for my son's swimming lessons.  As I push around the idyllic baby in my stroller waving as needed and smiling at my 3 year old child who seems to be playing every trick in the book to keep his head out of the water; I view a struggle between another mom and her 2 or 3 year old at the edge of the pool. This child is dodging attempts from instructors and his mother to simply get in the water.  He doesn't even want one toe in the water.  He's hiding behind his mother's skirt as the teenage instructors use every trick in their short books to coax him in. 
     "Tyler, stop being so annoying!" The mother says. 
     My immediate reaction to calling a child "annoying"? (1) I judge (of course). Who wouldn't?  I can't believe a self-respecting suburban mom would call her kid annoying... in public!  But then my thoughts progress... (2) I consider paying $68 for swimming lessons when the child won't even get in the water.  At least my son is IN the water, though admittedly not swimming. But gee, that would be annoying, wouldn't it?  Still... (3) I judge.  (4) But somewhere in my mind I file this away and (5) later in the week I call my 3 year old "annoying" (maybe it was for touching every single box of noodles in the grocery store or perhaps for sweeping up muddy water from the driveway onto the hood of my car- inconsequential). 
     So what does that make me?  A better parent in theory than in practice?  The Worst Mom Ever?  Certainly not the Best... 
     What does it mean to be the "Worst Best Mom Ever"?  Let's start with the "Best" part.  I would suppose that in this world, their are good moms and bad moms. There are moms that abuse, neglect, belittle, spoil, etc... and I venture to say that strive to do none of those things.  I love my kids, and tell them that often.  We read copious amounts of books (often the same ones over and over and over ...).  We travel on little trips that we can afford.  And I try to take advantage of every learning opportunity possible from watching spiders hatch out of eggs on our playground slide to attending our local yearly Butterfly Station.  My kids are exciting, engaged, have vivid imaginations, converse often with kids & adults, sparks of intelligence & personality, happy helpers, lovable cuddlers, etc...
     This being said, we all have our moments.  I recently went out to eat with both children (now age 4 and 1) to a Mexican restaurant with friends. This was an ideally conceived outing. It was my husband's birthday, we had heard good things about the restaurant. Mostly though, it was a poorly conceiving outing. The car ride took us about 1 hour, neither child napped and instead we were all squished in the backseat getting grumpy. I may have also had a hangover (my first since before my last pregnancy). We arrived late at approximately 1:30 (yes, prime nap time). Now there are two places where children do not usually fare well. Many children simply fall apart the second they walk into either an (a) grocery store or (b) restaurant. I mentioned the touching of every noodle box? Yes, well restaurants can be similarly disastrous. They require sitting and waiting and quiet chatting. Not great for my active, impatient and loud/talkative kids! And to top it off, this particular restaurant also had a grocery-store-ish problem: it had jars upon glass jars of salsa for sale. I took the children for a walk... we decided to look at the pictures on the salsa bottles. My 4 year old decided to shake every single one of them up. This while I was holding the 25 pound baby. Every time I took a bottle from him, he grabbed another one. This could be a potentially disastrous, spicy, expensive mess and by the time I grasped control of the situation , the look of exhaustion and appearance of defeat on my face was apparent. Now was this a reflection of feelings towards my children or was it a reflection towards the world and its expectations?  A series of bad decisions had lead me to this precarious situation and the depressing conclusion that next time I got the big idea to go to a nice Mexican restaurant, I should just stick to the chain that shouts "Welcome" every time you come in the door.  This being said, a few months back we did go to that chain and had to leave due to a "screaming" problem.
     So after much deliberation I have decided that for the love of my children but the lack of my patience, I will be the worst best mom ever.  For my tenacity in providing my kids with experiences of life but for my inability to cope with the results of no-napping-in-the-car, I will be the worst best mom ever.  For my eagerness to read with my children but my frustration when my preschooler can't get past F in the alphabet, I will be the worst best mom ever.  For my affection & love & doting that I do each and every day but my feelings of detachment as I close the door and shout "Take a nap!  Mommy needs a break!", I will be the worst best mom ever. And for my careful planning of a safe, loving, enriching environment but my laziness in following through (i.e. forgetting to make a vegetable with dinner), I will be the worst best mom ever. 
And so, aren't we all?  How many of us are there out there that love our kids (and tell them often), devote so much to our family's homes, maintain family values, etc... but that also exhibit impatience, frustration, detachment and laziness?  C'mon... admit it :)