For years I wondered how my mom could possibly like burnt food and then it occurred to me. First, that she is not a great cook. Second, that she was sacrificing herself for the good of the children. Now I am the one to eat burnt food (see Mom, I'm not that great of a cook myself) and I almost never eat my fair share of fruit. It's as though all wholesome ingredients belong to the children. I'm fearful of robbing them of antioxidants so I will save the blueberries for them. I recall eating quite healthy while pregnant so apparently that is the exception to the rule; while you are sustaining another life, you may eat fruit. But the second that life becomes self-sustaining, it's your job to provide them with those vitamins and nutrients, even if it is at the cost of your own health.
This is completely irrational. My sister and I know this. But still I find that I only eat the apple if it's eating the one Josh got bored of holding and gnawing on. And when I do eat the apple, I eat every last piece of the flesh down to the seed casings, as if I'm starved for fruit. Completely irrational. Everyone knows that adults need antioxidants and vitamins. How can we possibly provide for our children if our immune systems and energy are tapped? How can we maintain a peaceful household if we are in poor health? What sort of an example can I be if I'm saving all of the fruit for them and so they never see me eating any?
I remember guilty pleasures such as buying a pint of blueberries at the coop and finishing them off myself in the car ride home. I remember fruit salads and smoothies. I remember ordering oranges from Florida.
At the moment it seems that this deprivation is only in relation to fruit. Maybe it's because fruit is a little harder to get and is more expensive. But I seem to have no problem eating a heaping salad full of nutrients or mounds of nachos covered in lettuce, tomatoes and cucumbers. And of course, there are foods that I am unwilling to share with the children out of my own selfishness. I might've more than once given Josh or Liam the piece of sushi that was next to the wasabi... just so they wouldn't like it and I wouldn't have to share. I also am secretly happy that they don't like green olives, guacamole, brie cheese, fresh mozzarella cheese and Ultimate Blue Cheese dressing. Actually, I don't know if they like the blue cheese dressing or not... but I'm not going to find out because I really don't want to share it. They'll be content with ranch.
I may wither up and die for lack of nutrition, it's true. It's also true that I cannot remember to take a multi-vitamin. Yesterday I bought Joshua (per his request) a pint of blackberries for $4 at the Farmer's Market. Seriously, $4. I bought lettuce, garlic, zucchini, yellow squash, a cucumber, two jalapenos and blackberries. It came to $10 total. So these blackberries were like gold (in the shape of berries) and they were somewhat devoured by the boys in the 1 mile drive back to the house. The vast majority of the rest was gobbled up secretly in the family room downstairs while I cooked lunch. When Josh came upstairs he was wearing approximately 50 cents of blackberry juice on his shirt. I looked in the pint and there were about 10 berries left. The squished ones at the bottom of the crate. I put them in the fridge (just in case the boys wanted them later). Apparently I was feeling as though I was not worthy of the leftover mushed up blackberries. I remembered them in the morning. I looked at the boys. They were eating their daily carbs (cereal and english muffins). I looked at the berries. I didn't feel like eating carbs for breakfast. I wanted those berries. I guiltily began popping them into my mouth, one after the other. And I only shared a couple.
No comments:
Post a Comment