The "Other" Anniversary

     Soon my husband and I will be celebrating our 11th anniversary.  And I will be sadly remembering that it's now been a year since our potty training efforts with Joshua have been derailed.  Where did I/we go wrong? 
     Joshua is only 3 1/2 so the first thing you might consider is maybe, just maybe, I'm over-reacting and he just needs some time.  Well first of all, is it you changing these poopy diapers?  No, it is not.  And second of all, I just can't get over the fact that one year ago he really was almost potty trained.  Really.  I don't think I'm exaggerating here.  He was well on his way.  I posted about what a perfect mom I was back in July of last year... http://worstbestmom.blogspot.com/2011/07/worst-best-mom-revisited.html.  As you can (or will) clearly see upon reading this post, I was able to potty train a 2 1/2 year old with very little kinks along the way.  Number 1 and #2 were no match for me! 
That is, they were no match for me until we went away to celebrate our 10th Anniversary and when we came back?  Potty training was over, done, caput, forgotten, resisted, out of the question.
    
What did I do wrong?

• We broke the routine by having the audacity to celebrate the anniversary with an extended weekend over-priced vacation close to home.
• I might've yelled once or twice.
• I probably used guilt trips about not being a baby anymore and about me not wanting to change stinky diapers.
• I begged him to use the potty.

What did I do right?

• I felt guilty for making him feel guilty so I gave him space... loads of space... months of space.
• We alternated stickers and no stickers depending on his moods.
• We explained the cost of diapers and how we could be spending our money on other things... like the water bill!  And car payments!  And to offset the rising costs of gasoline!
• We described the environmental impact of continued use of disposable diapers!
• We did scientific experiments investigating the gel-like properties of diaper insides (one of our experiments might have involved me letting him wear a regular non-swimmy diaper into a pool and having him come out 10 pounds heavier 30 minutes later).
• We taught him how to stand up (what fun!) and pee outside (yippee!).
• We demonstrated (and I was asked many times about how I pee without having a penis).

     As you can plainly see, it is both completely my fault and not also not at all my fault that Joshua has regressed and refuses to be potty trained.  This is not to say he has not made any progress.  A friend told me I should potty train while in Disney World.  Let me tell you, there is no place I would rather be than in a Magic Kingdom Potty (that's me being sarcastic).  I tried to potty train before Disney and I was able to pull off #1 potty training with an agreement to hold off on #2 until we all had the mental strength to carry on.  Months past and still no progress with the #2.  I tried to do more to push it all along, to add fiber to our potty training quest if I must put out a metaphor (is that too symbolic?).  We tried a sticker chart which would earn the family Mini-Golf!  We tried having him make funny faces while on the potty.  We tried giving him a book to read while on the potty.  We tried choking and crossing our eyes whenever he pooped in his Pull-Up (okay, that last one was more of a gag reflex, not a specific parenting strategy).  I even tried this when I was feeling very patient one day: "Hey Joshua, do you need to go poopy?  Do you want to go in your Pull-Up or in the potty?"  And I smiled sweetly when he replied, "Pull-Up" and crawled under the table to complete his masterpiece.  And when I was feeling particularly impatient one day I tried this: "Liam? Do any of your friends use Pull-Ups or diapers?  No?  I didn't think so.  Big boys use the potty!" Oh, I almost forgot about the lazy morning when I didn't feel like doing anything at all so instead of putting him in a Pull-Up after he went #1 in the morning, I just pulled up his pajama pants and sent him back to watch cartoons with nothing on at all.  That didn't end well at all.
     Perhaps this would have been easier on all of us if we hadn't been so close in the first place.  I just can't help but feel that I've been here before a year ago today and that really isn't anything at all to celebrate in today's progress-driven society.  And yet if incentives don't work, intrinsic motivation has yet to kick in, guilt seems to be a lost cause and the battle lines of potty training have been drawn in cement... where do we go next?  Do I buy the next box of Pull-Ups and try not to tell myself that it will be our last box?  Do I put him in underwear that will just be thrown out the next time he crawls under the table?  Do I take him to a potty training guru (my sister-in-law) or should I just let the cards fall where they may? 
     Well, to begin with I suppose I should celebrate something that does deserve celebrating... our 11th anniversary.  For at least one night, I'll get out of changing diapers.  But I can't help thinking that on our 12th anniversary I better not have to leave any diaper cream and wipes with our babysitter!