It's Mother's Day morning and it's blissful so far. Not because the sun is shining, but because I actually woke up on my own this morning and both of the kids are still in bed. Okay, to be fair, I think I ignored a "Mommeeee" coming from Josh's room around 6:15 am. I've already sipped a cup of OJ and now I'm just waiting for someone to make me french toast (Bill is not showing any signs of getting out of bed yet).
Mother's Day this year has me thinking about my own mom. I realize that I am very similar to my mom in many ways. I talk and make loud predictions during movies. I lose my keys several times a day. I only like to buy things that are on sale. Everywhere I go, I carry too many overstuffed bags but I always seem to be missing the items we need. I like Japanese food... and quiches... and seafood salad. I love to eat vegetables, but I hate red peppers.
Being a mom myself now, I've developed my own styles, techniques, philosophies and (yes) flaws. This Mother's Day (as I continue to wait for my breakfast) I think it's a good time to reflect on how my mom has shaped me as a mother. I'll leave out the flaws for everyone's sake. As far as anyone is concerned today (on Mother's Day) my mom and I are both perfectly flawless mom.
My mom attended everyone of my swim meets. Well, within reason she did (some.were hours away). I don't think she was too interested in the swimming either and I know it was pretty hot in there. But she was there- up in the loft or in the bleachers smiling at me. I only was on the swim team my Senior year in High School and I only swam because my friends did. My mom really had nothing to cheer about. I always competed in the last heat- the worst of the worst swimmers. I wasn't actually a bad swimmer. I even knew how to do those fancy flip turns on the wall. Unfortunately I had a phobia or inability to dive off of the platform into the shallow end. Not a great trait for someone on the swim team. But at Sectionals when I landed on my feet and then started to swim, I'm pretty sure my mom didn't mind one bit (and it's okay if she laughed a little bit). Come to think of it, maybe that's why she was still smiling at the end of my last lap. So when I think of how Mom used to go to those swim meets and to my cross country meets (again, when I came in last place), I think it's not so bad having to juggle three T-Ball games in four days and work the concession stand.
My mom was not afraid of a little dirt and neither am I. I don't remember ever getting in trouble because I had gotten too dirty. I'm pretty sure as a young child that I ate a few pebbles. My mom didn't seem to mind (or maybe she didn't know). So we played outside, we worked in the garden and we tracked in mud. So I really don't mind if my kids play in the sandbox. And when Liam does experiments with hose water and mud, it's okay if he gets a little splattered. I would prefer if he didn't sit on the couch, but I'm okay with the mess. That's why I never buy the kids white shoes.
Learning toys. Not those annoying Leap Frog toys that sing songs about each letter and number. No, my mom knew about real learning toys and she had plenty of them for us to play with. Often times, these learning toys had many little pieces, but she didn't seem to mind. She knew that creative play was important for young kids. When we played, our toys never really looked the same. We had Marble Works (you design the marble ramps and then have marble races), Light Brights, Legos and plenty of dolls and action figures to play with. She bought my sister Barbies, but I don't think she liked it. I sensed her distaste and tied up the Barbies by their hair to window blind strings and then swung the Barbies back and forth across our sunroom. Today I've taken this to heart and now my kids have all sorts of creative toys. I found a vintage Marble Works but the kids also have Bristle Blocks, Lincoln Logs, Wooden Blocks, Instruments, a Kitchen Set with foods, K'Nex, Stacking Cubes and much more. Perhaps I've gone a little overboard in the creative toy department. So, like my mom, I've also learned to rotate toys towards the front of the pile. So every few months, I take piles of toys downstairs and put them away on the shelf and then (when Bill isn't looking) I take a new pile upstairs for the kids to play with.
Hmmm... still no breakfast made. But also, still no kids awake so it's all okay.
Speaking of learning... my mom is an expert in the field of child development and I did follow in her footsteps. She always seemed to know and accept that children don't follow a rigid set of stages in their development. Each stage is more of a spectrum and it takes time, sometimes lots of time, to move from one stage to the next. When I was becoming more independent, she didn't fight it. She negotiated a fair curfew with me and never said "I told you so" when I came back one hour early. And when I developed a more creative streak she never told me I couldn't wear that dress with those leggings. When I learned about Piaget's stages of concrete to abstract learning, and Vygotsky's "Zone of Proximal Development" children and their development all became more clear to me. I've internalized much of these concepts (although I could use a refresher course) and it's made me a better teacher and mother. It's taught me that learning is a journey, not a destination. Even though many parenting books, state and national standards, your parent friends and the media tend to focus on how your child is performing at a certain age in their life, it's okay to resist that a bit and just recognize that your child is developing at his/her own rate with your love and support. That sounds wonderful... but could Joshua pllleeeeeaasssseee just learn to use the potty already?
Okay, there's talk of breakfast being started and I hear cartoons in the living room.
Unconditional Love. Now this is something I know for a fact that my mother got from her mother. My grandmother has always told us about unconditional love and so has my mother. So no matter how much we disagreed and whatever trouble we got in, my brother, sister and. I always knew that our mom loved us. So when my boys hear me say "I love you up to the moon and down into the Earth", they know that I love them that much every day, no matter what.
Happy Mother's Day to my sisters, my friends, my grandmother, my mother-in-law and most of all to you Mom! I love you up to the moon and down into the Earth!
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