Turn Down That Racket

     The drive home today was beautiful so I decided to open up the sun roof, roll the windows down a quarter of the way, turn off National Public Radio and blast some good driving music. The truth is, I've been doing a lot of driving with the music on lately.  Usually I crave the voices of my NPR friends but lately with spring in the air and the death of a Beastie Boy, I really just want to hear some of my old favorite music.
     All weekend we've been dancing to Girls! and Intergalactic and Fight For Your Right.  I've gotten Liam, Joshua and all of the cousins to break out into dance.  I've even been pulling out some of my old favorite dance moves including the Roger Rabbit and that cowboy lasso thing.  Yes, once a dork, always a dork.  At any rate, I figured what better way to pay tribute to a rock star than to spend the weekend listening and dancing to rock star music or some funky spin-off genre. 
     So on the way home today it was Alanis Morissette singing about ex-boyfriends and all things ironic.  She sang me all the way to Liam's school... until I felt compelled to shut her off and roll up my windows like every other self-respecting carpool mom.  I mean, after all, she swears in her songs and the CDs don't bleep that out.
     Have I been closeting my musical preferences for my kids?  When I listen to music now I stick with Norah Jones (who Joshua calls his "ladybug"- not sure where he got that), Dave Matthews Band (who I never ever get to see in concert anymore) and the Beatles.  Love those Beatles. "Let it Be" is on Joshua's bedtime CD and could listen to just that song for hours... or maybe just on repeat for 15 minutes. And I get in the mood for Norah every time I call my doctor's office and am put on hold.  Mostly if we want to dance in the house, we turn on a Sandra Boynton CD.  If you haven't heard any of them, I do highly recommend her CDs Philadelphia Chickens and Dogtrain (she has others too). 
     All this music makes me smile and maybe even dance but rarely do I get into a frenzy like I do when I hear Girls!  But then again, isn't Girls! sending the wrong message about objectifying women into stereotypical roles of domestic lifestyles?  And I certainly can't allow Alanis to go swearing around my kids either.  Then I'm ruling out other favs too like Red Hot Chili Peppers, Cake (the double meanings abound) and Sublime (yes, a suburban girl listening to Sublime, call it lame if you want to).  Yeah, I really think I need to draw the line with music somewhere maybe after Red Hot Chili Peppers and Dave Matthews Band... but well before Alanis and Sublime.
     Bill doesn't seem to have any problem sharing his musical tastes with the boys.  We once played rock song after rock song for Liam- starting with Metallica and working all the way up to Primus- and he didn't seem satisfied with the amount of *rock* and *heavy metal*... until we gave up and I popped in Alvin and the Chipmunks and it turns out that was what he wanted in the first place.
     Maybe I'm not giving my kids the credit they deserve.  And maybe even if the music isn't really appropriate, maybe it's okay to play sometimes anyway... especially if they're dancing too much to really notice the words or consider their symbolic meaning.  But I think next time when I roll into the school parking lot I will probably roll up my windows and turn down the volume... especially if I'm listening to NPR.  I wouldn't want anyone thinking I'm a dork or anything.

Crazy With a Side Order of Fries

     I've attached a picture first this time to illustrate my point.  Do I look happy and normal?  Or do I look like I'm on the edge of insanity?  See the crazed look in my eye?  See how I'm trying to get Josh to cooperate, and how Liam is just ready to shout out and run circles around a waiter holding one of those big trays carrying 12 bowls of soup?
     I should have learned my lesson early on.  But instead I've gone through the school of hard knocks.  I've tried to entertain my kids by stacking the jellies together into a tower, but somehow they always end up knocked over and under an unsuspecting diner's sandals (messy).  I've tried to talk my kids into "inside voices", but somehow they seem to prefer experimenting with an echo that the resort dining hall has to offer.  I've tried to dress them up all nicely in matching shirts and to teach them to use their forks, but somehow they end up covered in sauces and syrups and apple juice.
     There's always those times at a restaurant when my children are absolute angels.  When they color on their placemats, eat all of their $4.95 kids' meal and speak only when spoken to.  It really doesn't happen often, but when it does, I quietly accept all compliments offered by wait staff and fellow diners.  I just smile and nod, knowing that any moment... or if we were to return the very next day to the same place... it could be a very different scenario involving banging forks and spaghetti all over the floor. 
     Because I have learned so many valuable lessons, I am eager to share my survival techniques.  I know we all have tricks up our sleeves.  Perhaps we should share them in an open forum so that everyone can benefit from our shared knowledge.

1) Restaurant toys- Anyone who has ever been to a restaurant with me and the boys knows about the bag of restaurant toys I keep in my car. The key to a bag of restaurant toys is that the toys must be coveted and... (this is important) only used at a restaurant.  Our best one was a fold-up Thomas the Train set. It offered a good 10 minutes of focused play time.  Since it gradually lost all of its pieces, we haven't been able to replace it and our restaurant toy bag just hasn't been the same.  FYI- the least favorite thing in the bag... stencils.  Apparently stencils are lame.

2) Restaurant placemats- Now that Liam is older, Tic-Tac-Toe is a big favorite as well as doing any mazes and matches on the placemats.  Here's some advice... when you're done with the placemat, leave the crayons at the table (don't put them into your restaurant toy bag). The crayons melt too easily, are usually not washable and will mess up your new restaurant toy bag.

3) Take the kids on walks!  This requires that you go to a restaurant that actually has something cool to look at.  I suggest any restaurant with a fountain, pond or aquarium.  Fish and turtles are a bonus (check out the Asian buffet!).  If you're in a seafood restaurant, visit the lobsters to wish them well!  Some restaurants will have random things hanging on the walls.  Great for I-Spy walks throughout the restaurant!  Other restaurants have good views of roads or even airplanes (check out the Truck Stop diners! Or a cafe near the airport!).  Also, taking the kids on walks requires two of you at least.  Either take turns walking with both kids in tow or split them up!  Teamwork really is the key, especially if you want to actually eat your meal.

4) Fast food.  What can I say?  I know you really want that fancy pasta dish or that medium rare steak... but you may need to settle for a burrito and choosing your salsa from the salad bar.  You may need to get your food from a trough and it may involve soft serve ice cream for dessert. Trust me.  Lower your standards and you might get to actually finish your meal.  Buffets and fast food are great because you won't be wasting precious time ordering and waiting for your food to be ready.  It's all about just getting your food and eating it too.

5) Coupons & Kids Eat Free nights!  Here's something annoying... it's when you go out to eat and order your children their meals... and then they fill up on chips and salsa (or bread and butter) and don't eat a single bite of their actual $4.95 kids' meal.  You might think that $4.95 isn't such a big deal, but start multiplying $4.95 by the # of kids you have and you will realize that you've just wasted money...  and don't think for a minute that they'll eat the leftovers when you get home (or that you'll want their cold chicken nuggets).  No, it really is best to have your kids eat cheaply or for free... so if they don't eat you won't fret (and if they do, you'll rejoice at what a bargain it all was)!

6) Go to a loud restaurant... but not too loud.  Going to a quiet, peaceful restaurant with your child will very likely send you over the edge.  Remember, it's very unlikely that your child will adjust his/her volume to the location.  So instead, go to a place with low expectations... that already has a loud murmur going on.  If you're very lucky, you'll find one of those places that have great acoustics that let you hear the people at your table... but nowhere else.  But if you're kids are really annoying, maybe you would prefer one of those places that's just so loud, you won't even hear the kids at your own table.  Just kidding... kind of.

7) Fun restaurants.  Oh Chuck E. Cheese isn't exactly my idea of "eating out" but it does get the job done.  Kids can have fun, run amok and eat pizza.  There's also the McDonald's Playland option and any other restaurant that has a playground.  Balloon night is always fun too... until you realize you just paid/tipped the lady $5 for a balloon animal that will be deflated by the end of the week.  One local Thai restaurant actually has an inflatable pool ball pit.  It looked like so much fun... until the kids started throwing balls all over the restaurant.

8) Angry Birds. 

9) Sit near other kids.  Ever notice how the hostess corals all of the kids into the back corner of the restaurant?  I say... bring it on!  It's a great chance to meet new friends!  Also, it's quite possible that the kids at the other table will misbehave worse than your kids so... your kids will look like angels.  I'm always okay with other kids misbehaving because it makes my kids putting spaghetti in their hair a little less noticeable.

10) Tip well.  Funny isn't it that kids food is cheaper but the waiters and waitresses seem to be working twice as hard?  And don't forget, some of them have families to feed too!

     It's hard to explain that swell of panic and stress that rises up inside of me when the kids are having an off night at a restaurant.  I have to remind myself that most of the other diners have experienced the same thing as me... and that they probably aren't even noticing my little guy(s).  Sometimes any combination of these strategies can do wonders at improving our restaurant experiences.  Of course, there are countless other times that nothing at all will work.  If your child won't stop jumping on the booth, crawling on the filthy floor or stealing crayons from his brother just take a deep breath and smile.  Tomorrow night it will be Kraft Mac & Cheese with chicken nuggets and doing the dishes won't seem so bad afterall.

Magic Moments in the Magic Kingdom

     Now that's a cheesy title.  But I can't help myself.  The Magic Kingdom is more than a little bit magical.  There's an excited energy flitting about Main Street (well, that might be the overly perky employee wearing make-up in 80 degree heat with suspenders and a striped ruffled blouse...).  You go to Hollywood Studios, Animal Kingdom, Epcot, even Universal or Sea World and you think, "Wow this place is cool" or "What's inside of that giant hat/tree/ball/castle/tank?"... but only in Magic Kingdom do you sense the "magic".
     I've been giddy with excitement over planning our first trip to Disney with the boys. Here's why... and this is why you shouldn't be too jealous of our trip- it's a REALLY long time coming.  This was our first authentic family trip/vacation (unless you include camping where we have to set up our own house, kitchen and where you have to walk 200 yards to get to a bathroom).  And things haven't been easy for us the past few years either.  Let me tell you how hard it was to hear about student after student of mine going to Disney while meanwhile my husband was unemployed for 6 months.  When you are in that type of dire financial state, the idea of a Disney vacation seems very distant to say the least.  And was I happy for friends and for my students who got to go to Disney?  Of course, I was so happy for them... but that didn't make it easier.  Things improved and we made financially responsible decisions like keeping old cars (that weren't even new when we bought them) and buying store brand cheese (not bad, but I don't recommend store brand tissues), but still I dreamed of a family vacation. 
     Imagine my giddiness over the past few months after my grandfather invited us all to visit him in Florida (including a stay at Disney). That alone would have made my walk down Main Street magical.  But I wasn't alone.  It turns out, going to Disney wasn't just a dream of mine, it was a dream come true for the kids.  Before we got there, the boys had no idea what they were in for.  Here's an example.  Liam got a wallet for his birthday (pre-Disney) and he said, "I love this wallet more than anything!"  His Daddy said, "More than Disney World?" and Liam said, "Yes, I love this wallet more than Disney World".  If you love a Justice League acrylic wallet your parents bought for you from Target for $14.95 more than a trip to Disney... you don't really get what Disney is all about. 
     There were many magical moments in Disney.  Waiting in line for Dumbo and having the kids ask, "Who is Dumbo?" (have I failed them as a parent?); riding Space Mountain (and having your mom hold onto your shoulder from the seat behind you); getting stuck in "The Progress of Change" or whatever that lame revolving theater ride is called... but having the kids love it anyway; our lost camera actually getting returned to us (Wow!  Really honest people do exist!); Liam grabbing at Mickey's 3D hat (but instead almost hitting a lady's head); Joshua crying through the fireworks while Liam cheered and clapped on his Daddy's shoulders; that gigantic cinnamon bun we had at the bakery on Main Street; sharing the experience with 4 generations (my grandfather, father, brother, husband and our kids)... all of these were special moments.  But looking back, the two most special moments are these:

    

     This first picture is of Liam "Holding up the castle".  He had this look on his face for about 2 hours.  I can never seem to get Liam to smile for pictures, but on our first day at Disney, he just couldn't stop smiling.  We hadn't even been on any rides... but he knew it was a magical place.

     This isn't a great picture (should've used a video camera instead) but it was surely one of the most magical moments of our day at Magic Kingdom.  It's of Joshua meeting Mickey Mouse for the first time.  Mickey has always been a hero for Joshua.  He's always loved Mickey Mouse Club House and always to build up to our trip to Disney, we've told him we're going to "Mickey's House".  When Joshua first came face to face (actually face to yellow buttons) with Mickey... he was completely awe-struck.  He was almost shaking as he looked up at Mickey... and then he gave him one of those great big hugs that Joshua is so good at giving.  Even Liam was in awe.  Afterwards he said, "I didn't know Mickey was actually real!"  And it was just magical.

     Yes, it was a magical trip.  We had spent the first day at Magic Kingdom, so what else could you expect?  But the days that came after were pretty great too.  Liam got to be trained as a Jedi at Hollywood Studios (and got to fight with Darth Vader when he came out and asked all of the young Jedi if they wanted to "come to the Dark Side"). Josh dug for bones at the T-Rex Cafe.  Liam found his new favorite thing to do now that he's 40 inches tall: ride roller coasters (his favorites were Everest at Animal Kingdom and Tower of Terror at Hollywood Studios).  Joshua fell in love with the Small World After all characters (while Liam couldn't help but remark that the song kept getting stuck in his head).  Both boys couldn't get enough of the leaf slides, mud tunnel and spider web in the Honey I Shrunk the Kids playground at Hollywood Studios.  Joshua fell in love with a Mickey doll that was almost as big as him and Liam chose the Fantasia Mickey over the Jedi Mickey; ever since they've both been inseparable with their new pals. 

Excuses Excuses

     It's been awhile since my last post and I'm really not one for excuses so choose one of the following, whichever you feel is best:
a) I finally surrendered to my kids' wills and I'm now locked in the basement manufacturing Lego projects based on Liam's orders.
b) I'm still stuck in an Arby's bathroom waiting for Josh to go potty.
c) I became obssessed with mentally packing for Disney and then only spent about 3 hours actually packing the night before; then spent three days straight leading family members and children inefficiently across three theme parks and onto as many rides and into as many attractions as possible until they all rebelled against me with pitchforks and dragons.

Potties Are Gross

     Potties are really gross.  Not only are they visually unappealing, but they're smelly too.  What's worse than a potty is a kid potty next to a real toilet.  These things are just terrifically gross and no amount of cleaning really can account for the fact that it's regularly pooped and peed in (if you are a lucky parent).  I tried, I really tried, to get Joshua to pee directly into the big potty.  But there was always something wrong with the scenario.  It's too high off the ground, the seat is too hard, the flush is too loud.  So instead of peeing on the big potty, it's into that gross little thing that doubles as a stool for tooth-brushing time.
     Here's why it's gross.  I clean it out every time with disinfectant, or wipes or soapy water.  But how well can you clean out a foamy insert seat?  I'd love to get rid of the foamy seat but then it would just be too uncomfortable... like the big potty.  So I pander to the little man and give him his stinky foam seat that can never really get clean.  Now lately we've only had #1's, which is actually the bad news, but I'm just not looking forward to the #2's- cleaning that out of a potty is just plain wrong.  Again, why can't all this go into the big toilet?
     In my efforts to persuade Josh to use the big toilet, we bought him a big potty padded toilet seat.  Same problem with foamy seat, but at least everything would go where it needed to go.  No questions asked. Only it didn't work so well and Josh ended up back on the mainstay potty on the floor... next to the big potty.
     You know what really grosses me out?  Used potty seats.  Now I admit that our current one was used by Liam before Josh.  But let me tell you, no matter how much anyone begs for it, this potty seat is only leaving the house in a garbage bag.  We're not passing it down to anyone and I certainly won't try to pawn it off on anyone for $3 at a garage sale.  No joke, I went to a local garage sale with at least a hundred local consignors ... and I saw rows of potty seats.  It was the third day of the garage sale.  There were no strollers left, no more bikes or trikes or even toddler beds.  The clothes were picked through.  Just rows of potties and some old Leap-pad accessories.  Two things you just can't even give away and here people were; trying to sell them!?!
     A few days ago I just about gave up.  First of all, Josh has really not been wanting to use the potty at all (probably because I'm C-R-A-Z-Y and he feels a little *pressured*).  Second, I'm just really sick of choking on the disinfectant spray.  So I asked Josh if he wanted to try standing and peeing.  He thought it might be a good idea.  First he watched Liam and then he gave it a try.  Let me tell you, it was exciting to hear that tinkle.  Possibly more for me than it was for him, although he did seem genuinely enthusiastic.  To think, I could go back to putting in efforts cleaning our actual toilet more often rather than this plastic thing.  And we could start using the potty again for it's better purpose... as a stool! 
     I realize that we have a long way to go, and that's okay.  I understand that peeing is really only half of the battle, and perhaps the easiest half.  I also realize that calling potty training a "battle" is probably why it isn't going so great.  But at this point, it's a small victory and I'm eager to celebrate.  Standing up has just reminded me that I may need to clean out that potty a little less often... but now I'll probably have to start mopping the floor next to the potty a bit more often.

Stepping Back

     Swings.  For years I've tried to avoid them.  Not because they aren't fun.  Not because it isn't good for kids to feel the sensation of flying... but because I hate standing there pushing and pushing... and getting yelled at and yelled at to keep on... pushing and pushing (x2 kids).  I can understand Joshua asking for a push.  He doesn't want to go very high anyway.  But with Liam it has just been "higher and higher" and it never is high enough and he always wants to keep going and going.  What he has failed to realize is that swinging should be self-sufficient. For years we have tried to get him to coordinate putting his feet out and tucking them under... but he just hasn't gotten it.  We've demonstrated (that's the fun part)... but he still hasn't gotten it.  We've nagged him; we've refused to keep on pushing; we've made up chants like "out" and "in" but nothing has been working.
     And then, earlier just this afternoon, Liam said to me, "Look Mommy I can pump my legs!" and he did it.  He just did it. After years of nagging and coaxing, he just started pumping those legs.  I was no where nearby.  I wasn't there to nag or anything... and he just did it.  Maybe his aunt gave him some words of encouragement, or maybe it was watching his cousins pump their legs... but Liam just started to swing all by himself.  And then he said (brace yourselves), "Mommy, instead of my 20 minutes with my DS when we get home, can I just practice my swinging?"  and I said, "Yes?"
     So I sat in the car with Joshua while he finished up his car-ride nap and Liam raced to the backyard to practice his swinging.  He figured out how to start swinging without pushing off and he even practiced jumping onto his feet off of the swing.  Amazing. 
     You know when you've spent months- or years- working on a milestone and it just clicks?  It's, like, incredible. How did they learn to do that? (as if you didn't spend countless hours reinforcing the behavior)
     It's not like it hasn't happened before.  Months spent rolling and slithering around can suddenly turn into a backwards crawl; which evolves into a frontways speedster crawler.  Months spent quizzing your kids on each letter and yet it will blow your mind the first time your child recites the whole alphabet.  Time spent worrying that your child will never start talking and then before you know it, you'll be having a scientific discussion in the car about how radio waves work or about what type of super hero they want to become when they grow up.
     Right now I'm right in the middle of forcing a milestone with Joshua and it's really not going so well.  See, he was potty trained pretty well for the month of July but utterly refused to continue into the month of August to the point where we closed up his potty for the entire Fall and Winter and only used it as a stool for him to reach the sink.  Aside from constant guilt trips as we changed his diaper, "Joshy, poopy belongs in the potty, not your diaper", we didn't really push the issue.  Then over February Break, I started from scratch.  Sticker charts had failed us before so I pushed right into bad-mommy territory and started giving Josh a piece of candy every time he used the potty.  Motivated by Skittles, M&M's and Pez, he started to go pee again on the potty. But not #2.  It's a quandary really.  Pull-ups don't work so great with #2 but yet if you put him in a diaper, it's harder to pull down his pants in time for #1.  So we continue the guilt trips and the bribery and the completely forceful nature of our parenting styles.  I just can't let it go.  I know that some of Joshua's hesitance is fear and the need  for control. But it just doesn't matter to me.  I need for him to use that potty.  I see the end of diapers in sight and I just can't stand that we're not there yet.
     How does potty training relate to swinging?  I know that if I step back, things will happen naturally and that there is plenty of time.   When Liam was ready to swing, he did.  He figured out that it would look a little absurd for Mom and Dad to be pushing him on a playground swing at the age of 10.  Or better yet, he realized how amazing it feels to be pumping your own legs, going just as high as you can go and feeling like you're flying; even if just for a moment.  Liam got that taste of independence and it motivated him to keep trying.  I'm hoping so much that someday soon Joshua will get that same big idea, that he doesn't need a diaper following him around all day and that he can control his own destiny... by using the potty.  Maybe I'm reading into it too much.  Maybe it's like I said; I just need to step back.  Liam's got the swings in the backyard, Joshy's got his potty in the bathroom.  Soon enough Joshua will achieve his own milestone.  And when he does no one will be as happy for him as me.

What's In Your Pocket?

     My pockets are always full and it isn't cash... it's trash.  I've got gum wrappers, golf tees, pennies and fortune cookie fortunes; all in my pockets.  And it's becoming quite a chore to remember to empty them out each night.
     Oh Mom, I do so remember passing my little bits of garbage up to you in the front seat while you drove us to this practice or that person's house or from one party to another school function.  I remember handing you crumpled up wrappers and sticky wads of gum.  What I didn't consider then and that I know all to well now is that you had no garbage in the front seat of that car and you didn't really have time to make one.  So instead you probably did what I do now.  You probably stuffed the trash into your travel coffee mug (were travel coffee mugs even invented back then... no seriously, I can't fathom a world without travel coffee mugs).  Or maybe you had one of those ash trays that they no longer install in cars.  Or perhaps you had left that nice plastic bag on the stick shift after your last oil change.  But more likely than not... you stuffed that garbage into your pockets.
     Here's what I don't get about being passed car garbage.  It's not like the kids pass me all of their garbage (they just think they do).  No, there's plenty of garbage left strewn around their seats too.  Stuffed into crevices of my backseat there are french fries and crayons, tokens and tickets, wasted stickers and fake tattoos.  I cringe when I find the top of one of those sauces from McDonalds.  True, they're passing me plenty of garbage... yet somehow they seem to be sitting in their own little landfill back there.  And in my defence, it's really too cold out for me to clean out the car right now... maybe over Spring break.
     Wherever we go, I leave with tissues, tags, candy wrappers and maybe even small art projects... all stuffed into my pockets.  we go many places so I'm always on the look out for garbage cans (yes kids, there is a such thing as garbage cans) to empty my pockets.  I'm met there by moms of other children (young and old- I must admit to passing my own Mom garbage even when I see her now today) who are all emptying their pockets into the garbage cans.  Sometimes we find stuffed up wads of money that we didn't have time to put away properly... but usually it's those clingy clear straw wrappers from juice boxes.
     Don't get me started on the laundry!  If I forget to empty out my pockets those tissues become crunchy wads of lint in my pockets glued by snot to faded carnival tickets.  Yet oddly, when I empty out the boys' pockets I find... nothing.  No garbage.  I suppose if anything I feel appreciative that at least they don't have a rock collection or bug carcasses in their pockets but mostly I'm thinking: why don't they just put their own garbage in their own pockets?
     In an effort to be productive and not just to whine, I've come up with some solutions for moms who wish to stop this endless cycle of trash in their family:
1) When your child approaches you with garbage, put your hands in the air (out of their reach) and back up.
2) Direct them to the nearest garbage can... or their father.
3) Wear exercise pants (even when you're not exercising) because they have no pockets.  Don't give into temptation to start stuffing trash under the elastic waistband.
4) Make your kids empty out your pockets before you do your laundry (a bad idea if you're hiding anything from your kids... like extra change).
5) Stop handing trash to your own mother, thus setting a bad example.