Stepping Back

     Swings.  For years I've tried to avoid them.  Not because they aren't fun.  Not because it isn't good for kids to feel the sensation of flying... but because I hate standing there pushing and pushing... and getting yelled at and yelled at to keep on... pushing and pushing (x2 kids).  I can understand Joshua asking for a push.  He doesn't want to go very high anyway.  But with Liam it has just been "higher and higher" and it never is high enough and he always wants to keep going and going.  What he has failed to realize is that swinging should be self-sufficient. For years we have tried to get him to coordinate putting his feet out and tucking them under... but he just hasn't gotten it.  We've demonstrated (that's the fun part)... but he still hasn't gotten it.  We've nagged him; we've refused to keep on pushing; we've made up chants like "out" and "in" but nothing has been working.
     And then, earlier just this afternoon, Liam said to me, "Look Mommy I can pump my legs!" and he did it.  He just did it. After years of nagging and coaxing, he just started pumping those legs.  I was no where nearby.  I wasn't there to nag or anything... and he just did it.  Maybe his aunt gave him some words of encouragement, or maybe it was watching his cousins pump their legs... but Liam just started to swing all by himself.  And then he said (brace yourselves), "Mommy, instead of my 20 minutes with my DS when we get home, can I just practice my swinging?"  and I said, "Yes?"
     So I sat in the car with Joshua while he finished up his car-ride nap and Liam raced to the backyard to practice his swinging.  He figured out how to start swinging without pushing off and he even practiced jumping onto his feet off of the swing.  Amazing. 
     You know when you've spent months- or years- working on a milestone and it just clicks?  It's, like, incredible. How did they learn to do that? (as if you didn't spend countless hours reinforcing the behavior)
     It's not like it hasn't happened before.  Months spent rolling and slithering around can suddenly turn into a backwards crawl; which evolves into a frontways speedster crawler.  Months spent quizzing your kids on each letter and yet it will blow your mind the first time your child recites the whole alphabet.  Time spent worrying that your child will never start talking and then before you know it, you'll be having a scientific discussion in the car about how radio waves work or about what type of super hero they want to become when they grow up.
     Right now I'm right in the middle of forcing a milestone with Joshua and it's really not going so well.  See, he was potty trained pretty well for the month of July but utterly refused to continue into the month of August to the point where we closed up his potty for the entire Fall and Winter and only used it as a stool for him to reach the sink.  Aside from constant guilt trips as we changed his diaper, "Joshy, poopy belongs in the potty, not your diaper", we didn't really push the issue.  Then over February Break, I started from scratch.  Sticker charts had failed us before so I pushed right into bad-mommy territory and started giving Josh a piece of candy every time he used the potty.  Motivated by Skittles, M&M's and Pez, he started to go pee again on the potty. But not #2.  It's a quandary really.  Pull-ups don't work so great with #2 but yet if you put him in a diaper, it's harder to pull down his pants in time for #1.  So we continue the guilt trips and the bribery and the completely forceful nature of our parenting styles.  I just can't let it go.  I know that some of Joshua's hesitance is fear and the need  for control. But it just doesn't matter to me.  I need for him to use that potty.  I see the end of diapers in sight and I just can't stand that we're not there yet.
     How does potty training relate to swinging?  I know that if I step back, things will happen naturally and that there is plenty of time.   When Liam was ready to swing, he did.  He figured out that it would look a little absurd for Mom and Dad to be pushing him on a playground swing at the age of 10.  Or better yet, he realized how amazing it feels to be pumping your own legs, going just as high as you can go and feeling like you're flying; even if just for a moment.  Liam got that taste of independence and it motivated him to keep trying.  I'm hoping so much that someday soon Joshua will get that same big idea, that he doesn't need a diaper following him around all day and that he can control his own destiny... by using the potty.  Maybe I'm reading into it too much.  Maybe it's like I said; I just need to step back.  Liam's got the swings in the backyard, Joshy's got his potty in the bathroom.  Soon enough Joshua will achieve his own milestone.  And when he does no one will be as happy for him as me.