The boys are playing blocks in the living room. Joshua drinks coffee out of a cylinder-shaped block and then hands it to Liam who adds it to the top of his tower. They talk in their own little rambling language about monster houses and treasure boxes. In the mornings they take off every couch cushion, pillow and blanket to make a big mountain to sit on or to tunnel through while Mommy and Daddy oversleep. Yesterday evening they actually moved all of the furniture in Joshua's room, along with his toy box full of toys and, yes, even his Diaper Champ, in front of his door locking their parents out of their so-called "hide out". They have entire 20 minute conversations using Karaoke microphones ("Hi", "Hi", "Hi", "Hi", "Hi", etc...). If Joshua sits down for dinner with an apple juice, Liam asks to sit right next to him with "what Joshy has." They conspired in numerous ways to steal Christmas candy- from hiding their stockings and sharing the loot to sneaking out of the candy jar and hiding behind the couch and using each other's pockets.
Liam has grown up with no shortage of friends. In preschool Liam met a kid who can only be thought of as real "best friend" quality. It's not hard to meet a friend, but a good friend... that's much harder to come by. I was worried at first when Liam told me about his best friend- was it one sided? Until his friend's parents told me that he had said he plans on marrying Liam. Phew. What a relief! The boys were inseparable, except when their teachers separated them. This is how awesome a friendship it was: They were having a contest that only a mother could make up, a who-can-clean-up-faster-contest. When Liam realized he was losing, his BFF actually gave Liam some of the trash. True, they bickered sometimes but overall it was a good scene... I didn't realize how good a scene until we had to start from scratch again in Kindergarten.
Seeking out a best friend isn't easy. It's hard not to compare everyone to the original BFF and it takes tough skin to endure being overlooked. Of course, I'm speaking from my perspective. Every time Liam told me about a friend who tattled on him or who got mad at him, I couldn't help but compare them unfavorably to the preschool best buddy and feel a little dejected myself. Liam was just a little confused about why his best friend wasn't in his class (or school). I would badger him on the car ride home asking who he played with, what he played, who he talked to. We even practiced introducing himself before the first day of school. In retrospect, maybe sending him to school that first day in a button up shirt and tie having taught him how to say, "Hi, my name is Liam. I like Transformers. What is your name? What do you like?" might have been a little bit of a red flag for prospective friends.
Eventually Liam announced that he had found a best friend. Also silly and also smart, they seemed to be a good match. They were in the same class and the same after school program. It was great seeing Liam settled and happy, talking about his best friend... until I picked Liam up one day and overheard his K-buddy say, "I'm not your friend right now. Maybe I'll be your friend tomorrow." Good grief. Worse than back to square one, this set us back quite a bit. Try convincing a 5 year old that his BFF wasn't such a good friend after all. I knew it would be a hard sell so I tried not to be too obvious, beyond the casual, "A friend is supposed to make you happy..." or "What would a good friend say?". I admit it, after hearing similar statements over a period of a couple of weeks at pick up time, I kind-of-also suggested to the other child that maybe instead of reneging his friendship several times a day (that's me being sarcastic, I didn't actually say that to him) he could just "ask for a break". Predictably, none of these passive aggressive tactics worked so I just figured Liam would have this K-buddy and he could find a new best friend for 1st Grade. Until a few months into the school year when we received devastating news in the world of a 5 year old. His best friend was moving away... out of state. Devastation. Crying at bedtime. Over Thanksgiving, out of the blue Liam would look at one of us, bottom lip starting to tremble, and say pitiful things like, "I just remembered #@&%$ moved away." Silver lining? Now we were back at square one.
This time I didn't do any coaching. I just suggested that Liam try playing with some other classmates. Instead his teacher coaxed another boy... one whose hair is styled in a mohawk and who always chooses books from the "Killer Hunter" series from the school library... to ask if Liam wanted to play. I try not to ask too often, but it seems that the friendship has staying power.
So what is a friend? I've learned that now that the kids are older, I really do have less control over their choice of friends. But I do know this. After dinner today, Liam told Joshua who his real best friend is... (drum roll please) "You're my best friend Joshua." And Joshua agreed, "Liam, you're my best friend." And I couldn't have chosen a more perfect match myself.
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