I'm in a rip roaring bad mood and I've got to tell you why. It's these holiday crafts. Every year we give a holiday craft to our loved ones. One year it involved magnetic picture frames. They were foam and Liam got to stick stickers all over them. I had to bite my tongue every night as we painstakingly made each frame with no regard for symmetry or color coordination. I've always been one for trying more creative crafts that don't have to turn out a certain way. I prefer the crafts that let you choose which colors to use and which holiday to celebrate. Several years ago we made marshmallow man ornaments. Some looked vaguely like Santa (again, with the asymmetrical arms and facial features). The ornaments we gave to Jewish relatives had Star of David foam stickers on their bellies (or backs or heads or feet). Last year may have been our crowning achievement. Liam used play dough cookie cutters to cut out ornaments. We stuck a straw in the top of each one to make a hole for a string. After the cut-outs dried we painted them with glittery paint. I think it's all going downhill after those ornaments.
This year once again, I walked straight past the cute foam ornament kits. Straight past them to another kit. I don't know what I was thinking. How would making bell necklaces be creative? At least I could have chosen beads or something but no, I chose bell necklaces. The bell necklaces are made of metal which meant we needed craft glue. Craft glue isn't pretty. I am assuming true crafters know how to use it effectively but then again, I'm not a true crafter. So instead we have craft glue smeared over our reindeers' eyes and pom pom noses. The snowmen were even harder than the reindeer. The snowmen necklaces came with tiny eyes poked out from foam and minuscule pieces of foam to make the mouth. I think the person who thought up that design clearly has coal for brains. You can't stick minuscule (ie less than a half a millimeter in diameter) foam onto a metal object, it just won't adhere. Check that, it will adhere to everything until it crumples up and gets lost under your fingernail. The necklaces were a bust. I may give them out anyway but let's be truly honest- they were not made by the children. They may look like they were made by children, but they were not made by the children. And I'd say they were made with love but they caused me a great deal of tension, which made me very caustic and sarcastic during the whole crafting session. So I'm not really sure you'd get much a love vibe from the necklaces either. Here's how I know it was a bad scene... Bill actually intervened and made the last snowman.
Here's the thing with Christmas crafts. You get inspired by the magazines or you do the foam thing in the aisle at the craft store. The magazines are just an abomination. Talented but out-of-work artists must pose as everyday moms to create "Beautiful Christmas Decorations On A Budget". And since when are the ornaments they show hanging from the tree made by anyone under the age of 22? I had a back up plan this year to make Q-Tip snowflakes from Family Fun. In the magazine they looked beautiful. I quickly found out that I could make the snowflake but it was a lot bigger than I thought it would be (obviously an oversight on my part when I looked at the photo). On the Internet one crafter said she makes Q-Tip snowflakes with her elementary school students every year. I find this hard to believe- first, because current academic standards are so high that there is barely time for a holiday party let alone a holiday craft and second, because unless she has three teacher's aides who are actually highly trained artists I can't really see how she could pull off this craft in her classroom. When I gave Liam some of the Q-Tips he poured mountains of glitter glue and ended up with a Q-Tip pile. Ironically, his pile-o-Q-Tips didn't look much different from Joshua's. I intervened and made the Q-Tip snowflake from the magazine. Liam agreed that it looked "prettier than pretty". We tried to glue the tips together but it was kind of a disaster and I ended up doing all the work. So once again we have a project that I did most of the work on and now it's taking forever to dry.
There's a morale to all of this, I know. It's probably that Christmas isn't about the crafting and that next year I should just take it easy and get the foam ornaments. Actually, just today I received a handmade foam ornament in the mail. For a moment I visualized all that went into making that foam ornament. I noticed how it lacked symmetry and color coordination. But I also noticed that it was clearly made by a child, which is more than I can say for our craft projects so far this year.
So back to the morals of the story...
(1) Christmas is about love so make a craft that brings you family together.
(2) Don't use any glitter on your projects or your relatives won't love you anymore.
(3) Avoid craft glue and instead of battling with a clogged Elmer's glue cap that just won't work anymore, buy a new glue bottle.
(4) Make crafts that can be for any holiday.
(5) Choose a craft that your child can actually do.
(6) Work on crafts before bedtime so if at all goes sour, at least you can have a glass of wine before bed.
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