I Am So Un-Cool

     Apparently parenting has "lost its cool".  Luckily, I was never cool in the first place.  But as if cutting my own bangs, braces and an inability to run without kicking my heels out wasn't enough... now I'm a parent so doubly uncool.  Damn it.
     Apparently there's a whole contingent of married couples that vehemently oppose child-rearing and one of them wrote an article for Details magazine in April (I just read the article this week, which fully demonstrates how uncool I am to be reading an article from last month when we will probably soon be receiving the June issue.  On a side note, we only get Details magazine because it's free with Bill's frequent flier miles).  The article is "The No-Baby Boom by Brian Frazer.  This article provides anecdote after anecdote of why these people don't want children. They see their broke friends with kids, observe the chauffeured mini-vans pulling up to soccer fields, witness the competition over day care slots and judge their neighbors as they yell at their kids.  Wow. Does that ever sound crummy!
     Now I know happy couples without kids.  I've met them and I've envied them, don't get me wrong.  But I've never wanted to get into a contest with them over who is happier in their marriage... or their life.  Lord knows, maybe they've even envied me!  Truly, I've always known I wanted to have children. When I was a child while other little girls dreamed of their wedding day, I visualized myself in my mid-30s with kids and a husband washing off our RV in the driveway. This was my vision so really there's no question over whether or not I should have had kids.  And for the record, I don't think I pushed Bill into it either considering that as a pre-teen he voluntarily coached Little League (the guy was really meant to coach Little League and people do tend to judge men without their own kids who coach Little League).  Having kids was inevitable but that didn't mean that it's been easy.  I am broke. I have been known to yell at my kids within earshot of the neighbors. I have reserved spots at day cares almost a year in advance. We do chauffeur our kids to bowling, music class, swimming and baseball (not to soccer, apparently boys in this family aren't allowed to play soccer... which means that as soon as Liam finds out this rule, he will insist on playing soccer).  It's not just these things, I'm utterly exhausted- emotionally and physically- a lot of the time.  I am so drained I sometimes feel like a shell of my normal self.  I feel my eyes glaze over in the grocery store and end up just buying Ramen noodles instead of Barilla PLUS (because the kids have decided they'd rather have "crazy noodles" than noodles fortified with protein).  I haven't been to a real concert since I was early on in my pregnancy with Liam (Allman Brothers).  Oh pity me, my life is a mess of stress and frustration and deprivation.  But I don't regret it at all.
     Here's the part where I justify all of that mess, stress, frustration and deprivation. What those no-baby boomers are missing is: the feeling of utter one-ness with an infant you have created, the conversation of someone without boundaries, the joy of watching someone else experience childhood for the first and only time, the wisdom of learning that you shall not judge others as bad parents because it's likely someone someday soon will see you dragging your child through Target and leaving a trail of Cheerios all the way from the toy section to the check-out line (of course you don't skip the check-out line, you just got to Target, you're not going to leave empty handed).  What I wouldn't want to miss is: Christmas morning through the eyes of my kids or their expressions watching a lame magic show; sharing a movie we used to love as children (Ghostbusters) and having them love it more than we even did; seeing my husband as a father, my parents and his parents as grandparents, siblings and special friends as loving aunts and uncles. What people without children may not realize is that you can watch someone else's child for a few days and get some loving.  It will even quite possibly be very special because you're special to them and more fun their parents. But there is a special bond that children have with their parents.  It's the same bond that permits them to be utter nightmares once the front door is closed, but it's a bond nonetheless that makes them cuddle up close for storytime that same night and ask for you by name first thing in the morning.
     Here's the thing.  Many of the people who marry and don't have kids- including the author- were either indecisive about having kids or didn't want them at all.  They didn't want kids because they didn't want to be broke, didn't want to hear themselves yelling at their kids, didn't want to give up having fun, didn't want to chauffeur their kids to sports, didn't want to spend their time looking for daycare.  Blech.  I think basing your decision on child-rearing on those things would turn just about anyone off!  Base your decision on those good things, I think.  But in the end, if you still don't know about having kids and if you still really don't want them... don't bother.  See, in the end we're both being selfish- you for wanting to maintain your good life without sacrificing for your offspring and me for wanting to tag along with someone else's childhood.  Just try not to give me a nasty look if I push my bulky stroller over your blanket at that free outdoor concert or if my kid throws a jelly packet onto your table at breakfast (and I'll try not to judge you as you jet off to Atlantic City for the weekend in a limo).