Branded (A B to Z Guide)

     Do all these new toys and brands and boys have you wandering the aisles of Toys R Us looking all dismayed and flabberghasted?  Fear not, despite the peculiar names, I think I've got these toys and gadgets figured out.  And if I can't figure it out, I have willing focus groups who can help you & I make sense of this all!  I've got an Ato Z Guide (starting with B) here for you!

Bakugan- I first heard of Bakugan from my nephew and it took about a year for Liam to actually catch on to the phenomenon.  Up until a recent Family Night, Liam had no idea what a Bakugan was and I had only a vague notion.  Now we're the proud owner of three Bakugans.  Bakugans are these little creatures that can be smooshed/transformed into a little ball.  I didn't know how to get them back into the creature mode so we tried throwing them against a wall, squeezing them and tickling them.  I decided to enlist the help of my expert focus group so I brought the Bakugans into school.  The 4th Grade boys told me all sorts of things about the Bakugans.  This is what I heard: Blah blah blah... they open up if you put them onto the magnetized card... their names are blah blah blah... and they're all good guys.  Sorry Liam, you have 3 good guys and no bad guys.  Apparently one of the Bakugans was so cool that all of the boys in my classroom gathered around my reading table with "Ooohs" and "Aws". They were looking at the Ziperator which inspired one of them to exclaim "Wow!  It's like a Bakugan and a Bey Blade together!"  What's a Bey Blade? Funny you should ask.
Reminds you of your childhood: Because you used to bounce rubber balls and you used to like little action figures so maybe you might have thought wouldn't it be fun to have both in the same toy?  Meanwhile the cards remind you of Dungeons & Dragons, or Magic the Gathering or Pokemon depending on how young you are and how many friends you had in high school.

Beyblades- They spin like a top only faster and they can compete in the Bey Blade arena by spinning into one another.  The lengthier title is "Metal Fusion Battle Tops".  We don't have any of these yet but I really don't think we need them because we already have the Bakugan Spinmaster Ziperator thingy (see Bakugan).
Reminds you of your childhood: Because you used to spin quarters which cost about $12.75 less than a Beyblade does.

Dragonball Z- I think I missed this one.  I'm hoping I missed this one for good and that it's no longer popular now that my kids are older because my brain really can't hang onto all of these things.

Hot Wheels- Nowadays it's not enough to just carry around your Hot Wheels car, you also need the packed up track too.  So there are pirate ships, fire stations, airports and Shark Attack tracks that come in little brief cases that can be opened up to reveal several different tracks, elevators & jumps. I think these are super cool.  Hot Wheels also has stunt tracks that can make a clean room look messy within minutes.  These are also super cool as long as the little rubber bands don't snap (seriously, where could I find little rubber bands like that, especially since I don't wear braces anymore?). 
Reminds you of your childhood: Because you used to drive your Hotwheels on the sidewalk or down your stair railings.

Legos- It's no longer sufficient to build a house or a car with your Legos.  Now you need to build fortresses that would cost $99.99 (if your parents could afford that much).  You don't need much imagination to build your new toy, just fork over the big bucks and start... following directions?  No really, you probably will want to get your parents to help you; I mean do all of the work.  There are age ranges but kids don't really want to hear much about the age range. When they have a choice between a school bus for their age group or a pirate ship for double their age, they will probably insist on the latter.  Not to mention the fact that Lego has completely sold out.  You can get Star Wars Legos, Toy Story Legos and Cars Legos (Duplos- that's for the youngest set).  They also have their own battle warrior characters with the Ninjago line of Legos. These, like Bakugans, come with cards and many teeny tiny weapons.  Of course, using Ninjago Legos can sometimes also mean building things with Legos, but not usually.  Another Lego line involves using Legos to build your favorite board games like Trouble R2-D2 and U-Build Mouse Trap!  Really, these Lego people are ingenious, making you buy a whole new set of board games just so you can have the fun of building them.  Here's what I'm wondering.  When your kid smashes all of these Lego creations you've built (with them watching) so that all you are left with is a pile of rubble and you can't remember where you put your assembly directions, can you just dump the pieces into a bin and tell the child to use his imagination to build a robot?
Reminds you of your childhood: Because you used to build things with Legos and spread them on the shag carpet so that after you "cleaned up" your parents would inevitably step on those tiny little pieces with their barefeet.

Mighty Beanz- Don't fall for it!  It's just a plastic bean with a piece of metal inside that weights it to always point upwards.  They have Star Wars Mighty Beanz and Marvel Super Hero Mighty Beanz. You can get a Mighty Beanz car (to drive on the Slam-n-Smash Race Track) or you can store them safely in a collector tin. Fortunately they only cost about $1.99 so if you fall for it, you will recover quickly.
Reminds you of your childhood: Because you played with your left over plastic Easter eggs and filled them up with all sorts of silly things, maybe spun them around a little bit and drew silly smiley faces on them with a marker.

Squinkies- Don't fall for this either!  It's just a silly little rubber figure that comes in a bubble.  It doesn't do anything at all.  You can maybe get a ring so it will sit on your finger... or you could get a really skinny pencil to put it on top of but don't try to use it as an eraser because you will be disappointed.
Reminds you of your childhood: Because once you were actually successful in getting your mom to give you a quarter to get something out of the gumball machine and all you got was a stupid rubber puppy inside of a plastic bubble.

Transformers- These are a step up from the Transformers that I remember my brother playing with. They have different levels of Transformers but all have a funny way of having their legs fall off.  Also, they attract an age group that is far lower than the ability it takes to work on most Transformers.  Take Liam for example.  Out of a scale of 1-5, Liam is probably a 2 but try telling him that he can't get Bumble Bee because he's a level 4! 
Reminds you of your childhood: Because you had Transformers too!

Zhu Zhus- Apparently the country has come down with a severe case of allergies because no one wants real hamsters anymore, they just want pretend ones.  My aunt has been the happy owner of guinea pigs for years but now that she's a retired teacher she's opted for a Zhu Zhu pet instead.  We have three of them and they like to buzz around the kitchen floor darted around our feet while we cook dinner. They're great for us because Bill really is allergic to rodents (poor guy broke out when I brought an Egyptian Spiney Mouse home)!  But what is everyone else's excuse?  What I really don't understand about these Zhu Zhus is their roller coasters and pizza shops. You can buy these colored tubes for your Zhu Zhus to race around in.  And apparently they can stop for a pizza too.  Of course no boy would want to have their Zhu Zhu in a roller coaster so for boys there are King Zhu products which consist of armour loosely fitted around the Zhu Zhu pet.  Apparently the cute hamsters are supposed to collide with one another (like a Beyblade!  I'm catching on here; boys like to do battle)!  King Zhu Zhu Zhu's come in electrifying boyish colors like green and black!
Reminds you of your childhood: Because your parents probably let you get a hamster even though they knew you wouldn't take care of it or because they caught a mouse in the kitchen and let you keep it as a pet for a few days in a shoebox or because you once saw your cat eating a mouse on your front porch.

Have you noticed a pattern here?  Whether you're building, transforming, spinning or driving, how many of these toys end up with smashing and crashing? 
Reminds me of my childhood: Because after a hard day at day care or school there was nothing quite like chasing my little brother around and around and around (or was he chasing me) until we finally smashed and crashed into each other.   Now whatever happened to that type of good old fashioned fun?