Toys That Break Easily

     Now that everyone has already bought and received their holiday presents, I will offer some completely useless comments about... THE MOST ANNOYING TOYS!
     First, a disclaimer.  If you bought us any of these toys, don't fret.  You may not have known they were so annoying.  We might not have known they were so annoying until it was too late!  And on the bright side, many of these most annoying toys are our kids' favorite toys so it's okay... at least you made them happy.  On another note, if we have given any of these toys to your kids you may want to take a hint.  We want you to be annoyed.  Maybe it's fun to have other people suffering with us.  On the other hand, maybe we just wanted to make your kids happy... at your expense. 
(1) Kitty Keyboard (by Parents)- also known as Meowsic Keyboard (by Battat) or B. Meowsic Keyboard (by Toysmith).  I can't believe I'm admitting to this but we actually bought this gift for Liam about 3 years ago for Hannukah with money from my grandma.  We thought it was terrific... in the store.  It was a keyboard, which would nurture our child's musical ability.   There is a microphone to sing into!  We liked the different features for musical beats and especially loved the instrument features.  One instrument was the "Meow" feature and this is what really sold us.  We thoroughly enjoyed the movie, Super Troopers, so any chance to turn Meow into music instantly appealed to us. At home we were amused by the Meow feature for only so long until we realized that the two song options- one with just plain annoying songs and the other with annoying songs about cats- were, well, annoying.  And if you leave the kitty keyboard alone for too long she purrs.  Let me tell you little kitty, if we leave you alone, it's because we want to and we certainly don't need a reminder 2 1/2 minutes later that you're still there.
(2) Lite Brite (by Hasbro)- Can't these people spell? Thank goodness we don't own a Lite Brite!  I have nostalgia for owning a Lite Brite, I truly do.  I remember my time with the Lite Brite fondly.  I also don't doubt that my kids would love one- there's a similar exhibit at a local museum that they really like.  But really, I could do without those teeny tiny transluscent pieces.  So I'm quite thankful that we don't have a Lite Brite but I can empathize with anyone who does because it really seems quite annoying.  Better to keep it in the daycare center!
(3) Busy Ball Popper (by Playskool)- Yet another company that can't spell!  The Busy Ball Popper plays music as a fan blows into a tube filled with hollow balls that then fly out of the top of the Popper.  Kids put the balls back on the track, they go back into the tube and it continues.  This is a real favorite in our house... when I haven't hidden it away.  No really, everyone loves it babies at 3 months to big kids.  I've brought mine to school to demonstrate simple machines and electricity and the 9 & 10 year olds even love it.  In fact, the Busy Ball Popper is so popular that it is instantly elevated to annoying status because kids enjoy playing with it over and over and over and over again so that the parents in the room are subjected to the same annoying music over and over again and often the responsibility is on us to (a) find the balls that have scattered around the room and (b) fish out other items that have been stuffed into the air tube (tissues don't come out on their own and neither do Legos).  My brother-in-laws' family has owned at least 3 Busy Ball Poppers all of which become "broken" and thrown away.  I'm pretty sure "Broken" just means out of batteries but in either case, they're out of the picture... until the next birthday perhaps.
(4) Xylophone sticks (by many companies)- I find xylophones to be nothing but trouble... because of the sticks.  The sticks end up hitting anything and anyone except for the actual xylophone.  The same goes for drumsticks.  Musical talent does need to be fostered... but not on a pinewood table (they dent too easily).
(5) Sound Puzzles (by Melissa and Doug)- We have two sound puzzles. I bought the first one, it's a transportation puzzle.  So if you put the car into the car slot it makes a vroom vroom sound. The airplane makes a taking off sound and the motorcycle makes a revving sound.  The ambulance makes a siren sound, I should know because whenever I turn out the lights in the room that the puzzle is in, I hear the stupid ambulance.  My brother-in-law (opposite side) once asked me what the most annoying toy we owned was.  I said, "That stupid Kitty Keyboard!"  Bill said, "That annoying transportation puzzle that makes the ambulance sound whenever we turn off the lights!"  Meanwhile, Liam was opening up a gift from my sister and my brother-in-law.  It was a musical instrument sound puzzle.  Now whenever we turn out the lights, we hear an ambulance siren followed by a harmonica.
(6) Laugh and Learn Learning Puppy (by Fisher Price)- That seems redundant and repetitive, doesn't it?  Joshua loves his Learning Puppy.  It's a soft toy that plays music, talks, counts, says the parts of the body, sings the ABC's, etc...  What we loathe about the Learning Puppy is that you press the off button on it's paw, it says "Good-bye" and then you press it's other paw and... it's singing again.  Really?  Didn't I just turn you off?  Apparently you have to find the actual off switch under it's fur in the back (by the batteries) in order to turn off the Learning Puppy.  If it's switched on, you may hear "Tummy" in a cheerful voice because you happened to throw something on top of it in the toy box.  I say, if you have an off button on your paw, that means you're off.  Am I right?
(7) Toys that say "I love you" (many brands)- I have a philosophical pet-peeve here.  You don't love my baby.  I love my baby.  If a toys says, "I love you" to Liam or Joshua I plainly tell that the toy doesn't really love them, it's a recording on a toy.  And then I tell them, I love them because I'm a real person and real people can love them... but a toy can't.
     Before I conclude, I can't help but think that some of you out there may actually try to get my kids these things... because you want to annoy me.  Don't think I am not aware of your intentions.  If this gift comes to my house in wrapping and it starts making noise before we've even opened it and I hear a "Meow" or a "Choo Choo" or a "It's a great big colorful world out there..." I promise you, I will return the favor on your kid's (or kids') birthday(s)!