Boots Made For Walking and For Playing In The Snow

     Last month Bill shopped for hiking boots.  He hadn't gotten a new pair since High School and he spent about 7 and a half minutes exploring his options.  He compared the fashionable boots to the steel toed, remembered that snowblowing is his job and chose the more practical ones. That was that. They are brown.  He doesn't seem to care (or notice) that the laces are orange.
     Today I spent over 70 minutes choosing boots.  I went to the same store as Bill and only one store.  I was armed with a gift card and a coupon in Discount Shoe Warehouse.  I had even stopped in a couple of weeks ago to scope out the boot selection and I was more than pleased when I walked in tonight and saw all of the "Up to 50% Boots" signs around the store.  My timing was sweeeet! 
     Here are some of the factors one must consider when shopping for something like a pair of boots. See: boots, coats, purses, umbrellas... those are things that really need to all coordinate.  Only, most of us have more than one coat, and more than one purse and ... okay the umbrella thing is irrelevant. But it's all this very complicated equation if you let it become complicated.  If you're with kids, it's really no worry at all, you'll just grab whatever you see first and buy it and blame the children later.  Or you will just throw your arms into the air and say "Nevermind!" let's go get you those three new pairs of jeans that you need (because you grew out of the five pairs of jeans I bought you three months ago)!  If you are not with kids, you will think that you have inner calm and clarity and the ability to make an informed, careful decision.  Unfortunately, you may very well find that you are frittering away the little alone time you have, persevering over something insignificant while your husband watches the boys play video games at home.
     30 Minutes into shopping, I realized that this wasn't as sweet as I had originally thought.  I was carrying three oversized boot boxes and I couldn't keep track of which one had the purple sticker, the red sticker or the blue sticker or which sticker meant which percentage off.  It was also at this time when I realized that I was having a boot identity crisis.  I didn't know if I wanted fashionable boots or practical boots.  Here's the down side of fashionable boots: I am a little late into the fad of suede boots with fur lining even if they fad has about 2 years of kick left in it (I saw a very long line at the UGG outlet prior to Christmas), let's be honest... I doubt I can pull off the furry boot outside of the pants look.  Do I wear them with Jeans or my workpants?  Does the shirt have to match the boot?  What if my purse, jacket, boots and pants all clash with each other?  The fact that I am thinking all of this at 5:00 pm on a Sunday after a relatively restful weekend doesn't bode well; how could I possibly manage to pull off boots on a Thursday morning?  Yes, I am a dork.  Just for the record, I didn't wear collared button up shirts under sweaters until it was too late also (and then I continued to wear them for about 5 years after it was cool). Also, I'm still wearing Silly Bands (that's totally not true).  The downside of practical boots: They either look like moon boots or they look like Bill's steel toed boots but either way they're ugly.
     Despite their downsides, I wasn't willing to abandon either style of boot.  The upside of fashionable boots: Maybe I could pull it off? (hilarious)  The upside of practical boots: I could play in the snow with the kids without getting snow on my socks.  I made a decision.  I was 45 minutes into my shopping trip.  I wandered around looking for practical boots.  I found a pair.  They were made by Jeep, comfortable and high lacing.  With my gift card and coupon they'd be no extra cost.  You know when you're shopping and you see the light and it all comes together and you realize you can go home now?  Right.  I grabbed the left boot from the display and walked over to the other aisle to put my other oversized boxes away.  Yes, I am that shopper.  If I take something out, I do try to put it away and if I knock over the huge "Up to 50% Boots" sign, I'll put it back up again.  At any rate, I was just putting back all the other boots when I noticed that I had the wrong Left sized boot.  My eyes scanned the aisle and fell on a young girl with her boyfriend who was carrying 5 boots, all different.  No boxes, just a handful of boots.  One of them was my boot.  Apparently she is also a size 8 1/2 and when I realized this and saw her boot selection, I realized that she was going through a similar conundrum as me... fashion or practical.  Her boyfriend was insisting on practical but she was clearly leaning towards the fashionable.  But just for safe-keeping, she was hoarding one half of all of the boots in our size.  I'm not ashamed.  I stalked her.  I followed at a safe distance as though she was walking to her car with armloads of bags in the parking lot.  I casually looked at boots in her wake, cast offs that she wasn't interested in.  I scoured the super-duper-Clearance racks a second time and considered a different pair.  But she continued to walk around with two different boots on her feet and an armload of other pairs from across three aisles.
     Did I mention that at about 35 minutes I had found the best boots ever?  High lace ups, practical bottoms, brown to match my peacoat and any winter purses that I have including my new key chain.  But they were $169.95 (minus the maximum 50%, $10 off coupon and $41 left on the gift card).  Still I'd have to pitch in money... so they were not free.  Now I was deciding between color, style and free or not free.  Plus there were some boots that would have allowed me extra on the gift card.  What should I buy with the extra? 
     Am I driving you crazy yet?  At this point, it should be clear that I completely had driven myself crazy.  I was overheating in my brown peacoat.  That mall rat was still hoarding all of my shoes including the Jeeps and I was just beside myself. The store was almost closing.  I called Bill, not to ask him fashion advice, but to whine.  He told me to buy the pair that I wanted.
     Clarity returned and I looked over to see the high laced suede boots with faux fur tops and hard leather shoe-like bottoms with no-slip soles.  The perfect marriage of practical and fashionable.  They were waiting for me, as if they had a protective aura  that had prevented my shoe-twin from seeing them and stealing one of them.  I put away the other boxes in my hands, lost site of my nemesis and went to the shoes I had first laid eyes on almost an hour before.  I felt no more ill-will towards my shoe-twin and felt a little bad for calling her a bad name in my own mind (and possibly under my breath because, in addition to twitching, I had also been talking to myself which might have made me look a little weird.  Stalking, twitching and talking to yourself in shoe store).
     The check-out people are clearly trained to make you feel good about yourself. They all have tags that say, "Shoe Lover" on them.
Check Out Lady: "Did you find everything you were looking for today?"
Me: "Yes."
Check Out Lady: "That will be $154"
Me: "Aren't these on sale?"
Check Out Lady: "Oh!  Yes, they are!  Sorry about that.  They will be $84.97 and you have your coupon so that will be $74.97.  Your gift card was approved... so that will be $36.01.  Not bad for a pair of boots!" 

     And sure enough, as I looked at the screen in front of me it said in blinking green letters, "YOU SAVED $150.03" and let me tell you, that felt great. And at that moment I could care less about the those crappy practical Jeep boots.  And even though there is no way I would have ever spent $228 on a pair of boots, I truly did feel as though I saved $150.  And all was right with this little corner of the world.  So now I'm pretty sure it's not going to snow again for the rest of the winter, but it doesn't matter because these boots aren't just practical... they're pretty cute too!