I once worked at a daycare center that moved kids clothespins up a notch every day. If they were bad, they got moved back a notch. Once they moved enough notches, they would earn a fake $ to buy a prize. The result was a lot of threats: "Edward, I'm going to move you back a notch if you don't take turns on the slide..." It was even worse when Edward had already been moved back a notch (after numerous threats) and he looked at you expectantly, "Now what?"
After a little bit of education on my part in classroom management classes and educational psychology, it became clear that this system of discipline fell under the category of "token economy". It's a token economy because the child expects the reward, or "token", to be dolled out every day. The tokens can then be taken back, even though they were never really earned (unless you consider not being bad "earning"). So besides being a pain in the neck (having to remember who I idly threatened vs. who actually needed to have their clothespin moved back), it also became clear to me that this was no way to discipline kids.
From the educational psychology point of view, this is all well and good. In my classroom I rely mostly on natural consequences. Other consequences like writing a sentence 100x just don't seem to cut it when preparing kids for the real world. Instead I have them write a letter to the friend they offended, or clean the desk they drew on or stop playing with the toy they threw across the gym during indoor recess. That's not to say I haven't also relied on incentives- like marbles that add up to pajama day (flannel and slippers all day at work? Whose the real winner here?). I've even brought in candy corn to toss at them when they answer questions (just like a zookeeper tosses fish at seals who jump through hoops in a pool)!
Now I'm a parent and let's be honest: Vygotsky, Piaget, Freud... really? Maybe that works in a classroom and maybe it works in a textbook. My guess is that while Piaget was carefully observing his children's behavior and stages of development, his wife was giving candy to keep them quiet while guests were over. My favorite book as a college student was called "Punished By Rewards The trouble with gold stars, incentive plans, A's, praise and other bribes" by Alfie Kohn. Great book, I consider it often.
I'm a parent now and my favorite book that I don't have time to read is "I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids: Reinventing Motherhood" by Trisha Ashworth. No really, I haven't read it so I can't attest to how good it is, but you've got to love the title (and it got what appears to be 4 1/4 stars on Amazon.com).
So now what? Am I all about breaking the rules of classroom management and educational psychology? Well first of all, no. I'm not parenting in a classroom but rather the wide world, there's more to parenting than managing children for a short period of time and psychology is more individual anyway. See, Liam doesn't respond well to incentives so of course I'm not going to over-use them. But they do work in the short term. If there's a really bad habit from nose picking to talking loudly, these things can be curbed by a simple piece of candy at the end of a day without boogery fingers or without busting an ear drum. I'm not exactly sure how I would be potty-training Joshua right now if it wasn't for incentives, but let's not go overboard, he's just getting a car sticker to put on a racetrack (and a potty dance, lots of clapping and smiles). Hey, whatever it takes to get something started (or ended), right?
What about money? Here's the big issue. I've previously *bragged* that my boys help me with chores. Have you noticed I haven't brought it up lately? That's because they're no longer helpful and I do think I know why. See, they were being helpful and I was so appreciative I started to give them some change from our change jar. Random amounts, nothing specific. They seemed super excited and eager to help... until one day they just weren't. They didn't want to help. They didn't want the $. Maybe they figured out that 18 pennies isn't such great pay or maybe the money just sucked the fun out of the game of helping mommy. Whatever the reason, I think my sister-in-law was right with her chore chart & separate allowances. She did warn me, I'm just a bad listener.
What's the conclusion then? What about rewards? What about punishments? Once something is given, I really don't like the idea of taking it away, unless it's a Nerf dart gun that was shot at someone's head. I like the concept of "intermittent reinforcement" which means giving reinforcements but being somewhat unpredictable about it. And let's not go overboard here, how about an old fashioned sticker or dish of ice cream from your own freezer. My poor kids, I doubt they'll ever earn big bucks for getting an A on their report card (I'm too cheap for that kind of incentive anyway). But on the other hand, when Liam asked me about Santa the other day and what if he doesn't get any presents I did tell him "Santa gives presents to every boy and girl, even if they misbehave..." and then I added, "but if they're bad he might just not be too thoughtful with the gift he gives."
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