You come home in a rush, with a plan in mind on how you are going to get the kids settled, clean up a little bit and get yourself ready for a night out starting at 6 pm. You are running a little bit late because your son at school needed to show you his latest fortune teller that he's made and each fortune. It takes you a moment to decide if your favorite fortune is "You will be dehydrated" or "You will fart gold". After an extra five minutes spent zipping up the coat and such, you head out the door determined to get home in time to do a load of dishes and vacuum the floor before the babysitter arrives. Is it strange to want to clean a little bit before a teenager comes over to watch your children? Perhaps. But isn't it also strange to clean before the cleaning lady comes over. I mean, not that I get a cleaning lady myself but that's in the job description, right? Although... perhaps if that's someone's job and they come over and you have a messy house, they would be quicker to judge than, say, a teenager who has moldy English muffins under the bed and dirty clothes from middle school still strewn on the floor. Stop! You are digressing and you need to rush home.
You get home, motivated by a rare night out to get everything in order. You may even squeeze in that load of dishwashing. But then something stands in your way. Something completely ridiculous. A knotted Yo-Yo string. Had someone said to you, "When you get home, instead of cleaning and getting the house in order, getting the kids settled and yourself ready, you will need to spend 20-30 minutes untangling a Yo-Yo string" you would have laughed it off. You would have visualized yourself putting that Yo-Yo away immediately or perhaps even just throwing it out. But in this case, your oldest son has a new obsession with Yo-Yo's and doesn't want to stop playing with his new Yo-Yo, which is making your youngest son jealous and so you go off in search of the old Yo-Yo (instead of cleaning, settling the kids in and getting yourself ready). And when you find that old Yo-Yo you realized it is completely tangled up. So you sit down for a *couple* of minutes to straighten it out so that both kids can have potentially dangerous objects on strings to play with in front of the flat screen TV. 10 Minutes later, you feel like you're making some amount of progress but then the younger one is getting impatient watching his older brother struggle with his Yo-Yo so the younger one starts sitting on one of your arms, mauling your head, twiddling with your hair (I hate that!) and generally being a nuisance. 20 Minutes later you are ready to throw in the towel but you feel that just a couple more loops- and... nope. Damn it, now it's worse. A few more minutes of struggle and then you just cut the string off and re-tie it which is really what you should have done in the first place.
Why do we get side-tracked? Is it because we are soooo interested in what is going to happen next in the Scooby Doo episode that is on? Or because we have tons of extra time to look for the missing Yoda slipper? Or maybe we get side-tracked because there's nothing a mom loves more than to fish out letter magnets under the fridge. And then when you fish out the letter magnets under the fridge, you realize that it's extremely dusty under there and you really should vacuum. Which leads you to notice that the bagless vacuum cleaner canister needs to be emptied... and then cleaned out of course because the vacuum cleaner is getting dirty (holy oxymoron). There's always the imperative side-tracking such as sewing Boyscout patches onto sleeves; thus spending an unaccounted for 2 hours on sewing a patch because your son spent 30 minutes tying knots and earned a badge. And why do so many of these side-tracking tasks involve untangling (laces, kite strings, random twine, you name it!)? You think you have plans for the evening and BAM! You find yourself in a homework quagmire or reading the directions on a messy science experiment and then cleaning up after the messy science experiment while the kids are nowhere to be found.
Perhaps it is just me. Perhaps I am just not focused enough. I mean, I was able to get out the door only about 30 minutes later than planned. Huh- this might be why I'm always late. But that's off topic, I was able to get out to the party dressed and ready to go. And untangling the Yo-Yo only cost me a little bit of prep time. So I didn't have time to paint my nails. On a positive note, in a week or so, I won't have to get side-tracked again by realizing that my nail polish is peeling and that I need to forsake my laundry duties in order to get the nail polish remover to take it off. Which would then remind me that I need to clean all of my rings and other jewelry with the silver cleaner that is located next to the nail polish remover and then that I need to sort it all and neaten up my jewelry box because it's not like I have anything better to do. Hmmm... priorities.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Monday, January 7, 2013
Boots Made For Walking and For Playing In The Snow
Last month Bill shopped for hiking boots. He hadn't gotten a new pair since High School and he spent about 7 and a half minutes exploring his options. He compared the fashionable boots to the steel toed, remembered that snowblowing is his job and chose the more practical ones. That was that. They are brown. He doesn't seem to care (or notice) that the laces are orange.
Today I spent over 70 minutes choosing boots. I went to the same store as Bill and only one store. I was armed with a gift card and a coupon in Discount Shoe Warehouse. I had even stopped in a couple of weeks ago to scope out the boot selection and I was more than pleased when I walked in tonight and saw all of the "Up to 50% Boots" signs around the store. My timing was sweeeet!
Here are some of the factors one must consider when shopping for something like a pair of boots. See: boots, coats, purses, umbrellas... those are things that really need to all coordinate. Only, most of us have more than one coat, and more than one purse and ... okay the umbrella thing is irrelevant. But it's all this very complicated equation if you let it become complicated. If you're with kids, it's really no worry at all, you'll just grab whatever you see first and buy it and blame the children later. Or you will just throw your arms into the air and say "Nevermind!" let's go get you those three new pairs of jeans that you need (because you grew out of the five pairs of jeans I bought you three months ago)! If you are not with kids, you will think that you have inner calm and clarity and the ability to make an informed, careful decision. Unfortunately, you may very well find that you are frittering away the little alone time you have, persevering over something insignificant while your husband watches the boys play video games at home.
30 Minutes into shopping, I realized that this wasn't as sweet as I had originally thought. I was carrying three oversized boot boxes and I couldn't keep track of which one had the purple sticker, the red sticker or the blue sticker or which sticker meant which percentage off. It was also at this time when I realized that I was having a boot identity crisis. I didn't know if I wanted fashionable boots or practical boots. Here's the down side of fashionable boots: I am a little late into the fad of suede boots with fur lining even if they fad has about 2 years of kick left in it (I saw a very long line at the UGG outlet prior to Christmas), let's be honest... I doubt I can pull off the furry boot outside of the pants look. Do I wear them with Jeans or my workpants? Does the shirt have to match the boot? What if my purse, jacket, boots and pants all clash with each other? The fact that I am thinking all of this at 5:00 pm on a Sunday after a relatively restful weekend doesn't bode well; how could I possibly manage to pull off boots on a Thursday morning? Yes, I am a dork. Just for the record, I didn't wear collared button up shirts under sweaters until it was too late also (and then I continued to wear them for about 5 years after it was cool). Also, I'm still wearing Silly Bands (that's totally not true). The downside of practical boots: They either look like moon boots or they look like Bill's steel toed boots but either way they're ugly.
Despite their downsides, I wasn't willing to abandon either style of boot. The upside of fashionable boots: Maybe I could pull it off? (hilarious) The upside of practical boots: I could play in the snow with the kids without getting snow on my socks. I made a decision. I was 45 minutes into my shopping trip. I wandered around looking for practical boots. I found a pair. They were made by Jeep, comfortable and high lacing. With my gift card and coupon they'd be no extra cost. You know when you're shopping and you see the light and it all comes together and you realize you can go home now? Right. I grabbed the left boot from the display and walked over to the other aisle to put my other oversized boxes away. Yes, I am that shopper. If I take something out, I do try to put it away and if I knock over the huge "Up to 50% Boots" sign, I'll put it back up again. At any rate, I was just putting back all the other boots when I noticed that I had the wrong Left sized boot. My eyes scanned the aisle and fell on a young girl with her boyfriend who was carrying 5 boots, all different. No boxes, just a handful of boots. One of them was my boot. Apparently she is also a size 8 1/2 and when I realized this and saw her boot selection, I realized that she was going through a similar conundrum as me... fashion or practical. Her boyfriend was insisting on practical but she was clearly leaning towards the fashionable. But just for safe-keeping, she was hoarding one half of all of the boots in our size. I'm not ashamed. I stalked her. I followed at a safe distance as though she was walking to her car with armloads of bags in the parking lot. I casually looked at boots in her wake, cast offs that she wasn't interested in. I scoured the super-duper-Clearance racks a second time and considered a different pair. But she continued to walk around with two different boots on her feet and an armload of other pairs from across three aisles.
Did I mention that at about 35 minutes I had found the best boots ever? High lace ups, practical bottoms, brown to match my peacoat and any winter purses that I have including my new key chain. But they were $169.95 (minus the maximum 50%, $10 off coupon and $41 left on the gift card). Still I'd have to pitch in money... so they were not free. Now I was deciding between color, style and free or not free. Plus there were some boots that would have allowed me extra on the gift card. What should I buy with the extra?
Am I driving you crazy yet? At this point, it should be clear that I completely had driven myself crazy. I was overheating in my brown peacoat. That mall rat was still hoarding all of my shoes including the Jeeps and I was just beside myself. The store was almost closing. I called Bill, not to ask him fashion advice, but to whine. He told me to buy the pair that I wanted.
Clarity returned and I looked over to see the high laced suede boots with faux fur tops and hard leather shoe-like bottoms with no-slip soles. The perfect marriage of practical and fashionable. They were waiting for me, as if they had a protective aura that had prevented my shoe-twin from seeing them and stealing one of them. I put away the other boxes in my hands, lost site of my nemesis and went to the shoes I had first laid eyes on almost an hour before. I felt no more ill-will towards my shoe-twin and felt a little bad for calling her a bad name in my own mind (and possibly under my breath because, in addition to twitching, I had also been talking to myself which might have made me look a little weird. Stalking, twitching and talking to yourself in shoe store).
The check-out people are clearly trained to make you feel good about yourself. They all have tags that say, "Shoe Lover" on them.
Check Out Lady: "Did you find everything you were looking for today?"
Me: "Yes."
Check Out Lady: "That will be $154"
Me: "Aren't these on sale?"
Check Out Lady: "Oh! Yes, they are! Sorry about that. They will be $84.97 and you have your coupon so that will be $74.97. Your gift card was approved... so that will be $36.01. Not bad for a pair of boots!"
And sure enough, as I looked at the screen in front of me it said in blinking green letters, "YOU SAVED $150.03" and let me tell you, that felt great. And at that moment I could care less about the those crappy practical Jeep boots. And even though there is no way I would have ever spent $228 on a pair of boots, I truly did feel as though I saved $150. And all was right with this little corner of the world. So now I'm pretty sure it's not going to snow again for the rest of the winter, but it doesn't matter because these boots aren't just practical... they're pretty cute too!
Today I spent over 70 minutes choosing boots. I went to the same store as Bill and only one store. I was armed with a gift card and a coupon in Discount Shoe Warehouse. I had even stopped in a couple of weeks ago to scope out the boot selection and I was more than pleased when I walked in tonight and saw all of the "Up to 50% Boots" signs around the store. My timing was sweeeet!
Here are some of the factors one must consider when shopping for something like a pair of boots. See: boots, coats, purses, umbrellas... those are things that really need to all coordinate. Only, most of us have more than one coat, and more than one purse and ... okay the umbrella thing is irrelevant. But it's all this very complicated equation if you let it become complicated. If you're with kids, it's really no worry at all, you'll just grab whatever you see first and buy it and blame the children later. Or you will just throw your arms into the air and say "Nevermind!" let's go get you those three new pairs of jeans that you need (because you grew out of the five pairs of jeans I bought you three months ago)! If you are not with kids, you will think that you have inner calm and clarity and the ability to make an informed, careful decision. Unfortunately, you may very well find that you are frittering away the little alone time you have, persevering over something insignificant while your husband watches the boys play video games at home.
30 Minutes into shopping, I realized that this wasn't as sweet as I had originally thought. I was carrying three oversized boot boxes and I couldn't keep track of which one had the purple sticker, the red sticker or the blue sticker or which sticker meant which percentage off. It was also at this time when I realized that I was having a boot identity crisis. I didn't know if I wanted fashionable boots or practical boots. Here's the down side of fashionable boots: I am a little late into the fad of suede boots with fur lining even if they fad has about 2 years of kick left in it (I saw a very long line at the UGG outlet prior to Christmas), let's be honest... I doubt I can pull off the furry boot outside of the pants look. Do I wear them with Jeans or my workpants? Does the shirt have to match the boot? What if my purse, jacket, boots and pants all clash with each other? The fact that I am thinking all of this at 5:00 pm on a Sunday after a relatively restful weekend doesn't bode well; how could I possibly manage to pull off boots on a Thursday morning? Yes, I am a dork. Just for the record, I didn't wear collared button up shirts under sweaters until it was too late also (and then I continued to wear them for about 5 years after it was cool). Also, I'm still wearing Silly Bands (that's totally not true). The downside of practical boots: They either look like moon boots or they look like Bill's steel toed boots but either way they're ugly.
Despite their downsides, I wasn't willing to abandon either style of boot. The upside of fashionable boots: Maybe I could pull it off? (hilarious) The upside of practical boots: I could play in the snow with the kids without getting snow on my socks. I made a decision. I was 45 minutes into my shopping trip. I wandered around looking for practical boots. I found a pair. They were made by Jeep, comfortable and high lacing. With my gift card and coupon they'd be no extra cost. You know when you're shopping and you see the light and it all comes together and you realize you can go home now? Right. I grabbed the left boot from the display and walked over to the other aisle to put my other oversized boxes away. Yes, I am that shopper. If I take something out, I do try to put it away and if I knock over the huge "Up to 50% Boots" sign, I'll put it back up again. At any rate, I was just putting back all the other boots when I noticed that I had the wrong Left sized boot. My eyes scanned the aisle and fell on a young girl with her boyfriend who was carrying 5 boots, all different. No boxes, just a handful of boots. One of them was my boot. Apparently she is also a size 8 1/2 and when I realized this and saw her boot selection, I realized that she was going through a similar conundrum as me... fashion or practical. Her boyfriend was insisting on practical but she was clearly leaning towards the fashionable. But just for safe-keeping, she was hoarding one half of all of the boots in our size. I'm not ashamed. I stalked her. I followed at a safe distance as though she was walking to her car with armloads of bags in the parking lot. I casually looked at boots in her wake, cast offs that she wasn't interested in. I scoured the super-duper-Clearance racks a second time and considered a different pair. But she continued to walk around with two different boots on her feet and an armload of other pairs from across three aisles.
Did I mention that at about 35 minutes I had found the best boots ever? High lace ups, practical bottoms, brown to match my peacoat and any winter purses that I have including my new key chain. But they were $169.95 (minus the maximum 50%, $10 off coupon and $41 left on the gift card). Still I'd have to pitch in money... so they were not free. Now I was deciding between color, style and free or not free. Plus there were some boots that would have allowed me extra on the gift card. What should I buy with the extra?
Am I driving you crazy yet? At this point, it should be clear that I completely had driven myself crazy. I was overheating in my brown peacoat. That mall rat was still hoarding all of my shoes including the Jeeps and I was just beside myself. The store was almost closing. I called Bill, not to ask him fashion advice, but to whine. He told me to buy the pair that I wanted.
Clarity returned and I looked over to see the high laced suede boots with faux fur tops and hard leather shoe-like bottoms with no-slip soles. The perfect marriage of practical and fashionable. They were waiting for me, as if they had a protective aura that had prevented my shoe-twin from seeing them and stealing one of them. I put away the other boxes in my hands, lost site of my nemesis and went to the shoes I had first laid eyes on almost an hour before. I felt no more ill-will towards my shoe-twin and felt a little bad for calling her a bad name in my own mind (and possibly under my breath because, in addition to twitching, I had also been talking to myself which might have made me look a little weird. Stalking, twitching and talking to yourself in shoe store).
The check-out people are clearly trained to make you feel good about yourself. They all have tags that say, "Shoe Lover" on them.
Check Out Lady: "Did you find everything you were looking for today?"
Me: "Yes."
Check Out Lady: "That will be $154"
Me: "Aren't these on sale?"
Check Out Lady: "Oh! Yes, they are! Sorry about that. They will be $84.97 and you have your coupon so that will be $74.97. Your gift card was approved... so that will be $36.01. Not bad for a pair of boots!"
And sure enough, as I looked at the screen in front of me it said in blinking green letters, "YOU SAVED $150.03" and let me tell you, that felt great. And at that moment I could care less about the those crappy practical Jeep boots. And even though there is no way I would have ever spent $228 on a pair of boots, I truly did feel as though I saved $150. And all was right with this little corner of the world. So now I'm pretty sure it's not going to snow again for the rest of the winter, but it doesn't matter because these boots aren't just practical... they're pretty cute too!
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